Phillip T Stephens

A showdown between the world's most clueless detective and most sophisticated AI. The worlds first novel for Twitter, now revised and on sale in pocket paperback. amazon.com/dp/1732997306 #fiction #NOIR #scifi #darkhumor #humor #TweetNovel

The Famished Longhorn ranch hands accepted Dimebox Dan as a cowpoke only because his old man owned the spread. Terrified of horses, Dan chose a nag so old and lethargic he never noticed it died under his saddle. He’s still on the trail, happy with the speed he’s traveling.

The ranch hands said Dimebox Dan would never be a real cowboy until he learned to rope something with his lasso. That evening he rode back into the ranch dragging a hitching post with his lasso wrapped around it. The ranch foreman clarified, “I meant lasso something that moves.”

Dimebox Dan, spotted Heavy-handed Hanna riding a three-toed sloth on the banks the Rio Grande. His heart pounded with love, but she told him to catch her in a race to win her hand. Even though she rode a three-toed sloth, Dan ran out of breath and gave up after a quarter hour.

A horrified prospector discovered Dimebox Dan napping in a nest of possums. The possums knew he was stealing their child but possums nap to avoid conflict. When he reached camp he realized the still napping Dan was following the possums’ example. And did for the rest of his life.

Contributed Tweets for Phillip T Stephens are provided by Tweetbots, the digital equivalent of street corner guys who wipe data and dirty it more.

Dimebox Dan belonged anywhere other than a ranch. He was the take rootinest pootinest uselessnesset cowboy ever. Rumors say he fell off a wagon and was raised by possums, which accounts for all the naps. Once, when told by a gunslinger to draw, he reached for pencil and paper.

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Drumpf Cancels April Fools’ Day "No one is as funny as me anyway." #DonaldTrump #AprilFoolsFlashback #Humor #Satire medium.com/the-haven/drum…

#MAGA #DonaldTrump #Jesus #ChristianRight #Hypocrisy

How to keep our children Christian. It's easier than you think. #MAGA #Religion #Christianity #Schools #FirstAmendment

Donald Drumpf Cancels April Fools' Too many jokes about him on jesters' celebration #FakeNews #DonaldTrump #aprilfoolsdaycanceled #AprilFools #SCOTUS medium.com/the-haven/drum…

I've added a few drawings to my website tomgauld.com/art-for-sale

Imhotep’s sarcophagus opened. The archeologist lowered the lid into the dust on the floor. When he stood, Imhotep strangled him and let his limp body slide to the floor. He sniffed under his arms and gagged. Six goddam movies and Universal still wouldn’t provide new wrappings.

The extra playing the farmer stumbled into the closet with the invisible man. “Aren’t you in the other room?” “They film a take without me, then shoot me and superimpose.” When asked why he was still naked, the invisible man replied, “It’s called method acting and it sucks.”

Esmerelda rushed to the dock when Julie screamed. The creature swam away in the distance. Julie lifted her skirt. “He was going to rape me but he said it smelled like fish.” Esmerelda said, “You’re lucky. Imagine doing it with a sexist bastard like that. Men are such monsters.”

Contributed Tweets for Phillip T Stephens are recycled from Tweets Donald Trump discarded because they were too over the top. Even for him.

After weeks of resistance, the Bride of Frankenstein consented to consummate their marriage. The monster lifted her skirt and discovered her vagina had been sewn shut. The doctor admitted, “I wasn’t ready for you to procreate. And it doesn’t matter. I never repaired your ED.”

Frankenstein’s monster, the Wolfman, and Dracula stumbled into a patch of mushrooms. Later, Wolfman wondered why there weren’t more colors than black and white—like red. Dracula wondered why there wasn’t real blood in their films. Wolfman said, “If it were real, it’d be red.”

Advantage to writing a #TwtStory No. 10: Generates ideas for longer, publishable stories. Join me with 270 character stories using the x/bsky neutral tag #TwtStory #AmWriting #writers #write #MicroFiction #fictionwriter #writerswednesday

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