Study of Optimalogy

THIS JUST IN🚨: There is no such thing as “too much delta waves”. A study from researchers at UC Santa Barbara found, the more delta waves one gets the less likely they are to be a jester.

BREAKING🚨: Having preworkout “simple” carbs is best to have during the drive to the gym (7-11 minute drive). You don’t want to have them before that, but you also don’t want to have them sitting in the parking lot.

47 grams of fiber in one sitting is unoptimal. “This just in”

Sleeping in your home bed is an absolute cheat code. Seems as though you can be relatively suboptimal and your bed just eats the damage and gives you the perfect recharge regardless.

A lot of people over look the weight ratio from your girl to you. The absolute maximum, is a 1:1.69. Gentlemen, do the math. She is fat. #staysafe #weightwatchers

This just in🚨: The female name “Nicole” has just been labeled as the LOWEST aura individuals on the planet. (Someone did something personal to one of our colleagues.)

A new study from our labs states that the girls/sloots at your local college are not actually as quality as they may appear. Often times Alcohol will cloud your judgement on these “SLOOTS”, making you think they are higher quality than the hometown gems.

BREAKING🚨: THC does not in fact induce inflammation. In recent studies from our department we have CLEARLY seen that it LOWERS inflammation. Anyone who says otherwise is a complete moron and needs their head checked.

BREAKING🚨: Dark chocolate chips are a necessity in the yogurt bowl. Protein powder is optional but encouraged. If you can’t incline curl 40s for days, you need the protein.

BREAKING🚨: Teflon pans. If ya got em, burn em. If you INSIST on using them, you mine aswell do hard drugs too.