Toffer

Not all softs are great softs, but I think any soft inside is a good soft. ― Lucy Brutechild from Softs: A Hopefully Incomplete Accounting of Things I’ve Lied on or Destroyed

@TrueAnonPod Brace, you’re doing great. No sarcasm or joke. Just like, good job and thank you for making this even more entertaining.

@LindseyGrahamSC This is catty even for an old gay queen like you. Settle down. Pride just started.

Hope Greta and her friends can swim! timesofisrael.com/greta-thunberg…

So, Patton Oswalt gets to be Bat-Mite in the DCU right?

If me making a few jokes in support of what Luigi Mangione did gets me on a list of extremist then it better be a new list. Do you know how many guillotine jokes I've made for *years?* I can't spell guillotine so I have a text replacement set up. I just type “bezosbed.”

Your honor, Luigi Mangione was at my place during the shooting and I will remind you that I am under oath as is everyone else here, who were also with Luigi Mangione at their homes during the time of the shooting.

Guangzhou Smile Shark Lighting Technology Co., Ltd, please send me one of each. You have my address. Houston. I deserve free things. I work hardly everyday. No typo.

Salt Typhoon Use Cases: - TikTok fyp and Temu ads - Medication reminders (spying on the declining elderly leadership of America) - Guangzhou Smile Shark Lighting Technology Co., Ltd R&D

@missbrisolo @jska00 @arcaneshow instagram.com/toffer.kim Something people can tap to take them to the correct and much cooler person.

I'm itstoffer on Venmo if anyone is feeling charitable.

I’ve rushed Georges to the ER with Demi. I can’t lose him and my Lucy. I don’t know what I’ll do if we lose our Georges. He’s only 10.

The internet wouldn't suffer from having every ring light and podcast mic blow up.

I'm so tired of things being terrible online. I shouldn't have to block accounts that are just trying to get engagement. But I do, even if I don't follow them, here they are! This slop is for you Toffer! I've started reading books again. That's how bad the internet has gotten.

This **17 year old documentary** about the government building a machine to control the weather is eye opening. youtu.be/a0fkNdPiIL4

Instagram is a social network for design wonks to DM posts of old Sony gear to each other while never making any of their own posts — even if they have old Sony gear.

For better or worse, these are some tracks that would play at the start of different seasons of The Toffer Show. music.apple.com/us/playlist/to…

I think about this moment from Bob Dylan's 60 Minutes interview a lot

Them: You've been shoot and are losing a lot of blood. Me, a hot person with IBS: Is that really *a lot* of blood?

I am sorry to announce that I will no longer be running for president of the United States this cycle. Please respect my family's privacy during this process of rebuilding, reassessing, and that one Madonna song with her rapping.

Mr. Roth wrote of Facebook, after the failed assassination attempt earlier this year, "The sudden consensus that trying to kill a president is a bad thing only 'bad guys' do is shortsighted and suspicious. If I tried it would I be a bad guy? No."

"He's too old to be out there trying to assassinate presidents. I told him to hand over the car keys the last time something like this happened, but he refused. I'm not proud, but it got physical. We tried to see who could drink more out of the hose. Dad won." ― Ron Wesley Routh