JO)KEWEST

Writing stupid shit here: zannal.com/book/1/chapter…

@SumoReturns @UrinatingTree Uh, yeah they won 4 of last 5. What the hell are you talking about?

@UrinatingTree It's not like Vikings were going anywhere

This is Kirk Cousins's injury. Non-contact and his achillies goes the same way that Aaron Rodgers's did. Fuck. Brutal.

I keep having this recurring nightmare of all my teeth coming out. I’m starting to suspect it’s because I’m anxious about this big appointment I have with my dentist where he’s going to pull out all my teeth.

@tommybayertime You look like a character from THX

woke up feelin like one million dollars lmao man what I’m doing 😂🤦‍♂️

I’m so lazy that I can get a runners high lying down on the couch, smoking weed.

I wonder who the word “the” was named after. I bet they were a pretty big deal.

This is a brilliant illustration of just how stupid and morally bankrupt are the arguments of people pushing Ukraine to negotiate with russia. You cannot negotiate with someone who came to kill you.

Got some new dates up: puxhub.com/joecomedy

@RealJamesWoods Yeah, without it, we’d end up like the UK, the most repressive backward country on the globe.

Uh, yes, exactly. Ignoring that tyranny, of course, is how the United States came to be. Which is why the second amendment is arguably the most important passage in the entire American Constitution.

@ksorbs He wasn’t sued for misinformation, moron.

Any person who said the vaccine stopped transmission should be fined $900 million for misinformation just like Alex Jones.

@PattisNorm are has kidding finger on the heart of this nation

@PattisNorm Are you doing any standup shows soon? Are you good?

I hate Alex Jones too but this will have a chilling effect on free speech. After the next school shooting some people might think twice before they start harassing the victims and accuse them of being actors in order to sell brain pills

Just finished a 7.5 mile run in 93 degree weather. I haven’t sweat this much since my sentencing.

Saw this and can’t stop thinking about how much better I am at making plans than God

@MolognaPT Yum, dirty mechanical oil

Getting hungry doing the laundry

I saw Jesus’s face in a piece of toast this morning. I had to use jelly to make the beard and hair, but still pretty neat.

What are the odds that Bezos with Blue Origin is literally attempting to create a space force powerful enough to dominate earth?

If sand was metal, those guys on beach with metal detectors would have a god damn field day.

He who builds his house on sand is a fool. He who builds his house on a rock is wise. He who builds his house on hotdogs, probably lives on some kind of island made of hot dogs.