william t. riker but wearing a diaper

I wish I could be brushed like a cat

@PCFinancial fix ur app tysm

This weed store resume is perfect, no notes.

Everyone in Sex Education dresses like Weird Barbie

Came to the toad for soul night, turns out it’s the anniversary and there are like 4 other people here so that’s great they are thriving exactly like I expected

Co worker threw out $40 worth of Chinese food that I ordered the same day, and said “sorry the cleaning list said to disinfect the fridge” LOL WHAT

Sorry did you guys hear me - Cousins is open COUSINS IS OPEN

Tonight I got pizza bite and went into cousins ya i went into cousins yes they’re alive

Ok

@TomCruise can u confirm

Tom Cruise HAS to show his belly in every movie he’s in or he gets ANGY

Been stealing plants from work and the rush I tell you, absolutely stellar

No money for bathrooms at splash pads. No money for public transportation. No money for trees. Fuck the police.

Houston Properties is trying to increase our rent by 89% - what do we do

Somewhere out there one of you named your dog Jalapeño Pupper and THATS why the world is going to shit

Bf being “sexy”: I’ll read you an excerpt from the star trek technical manual

Bf got us a Switch I am losing my mind we are never leaving the house again bye!

I haven’t read Ulysses but I have spied every item in I Spy Extreme Challenge so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ - an old note in my phone

Just learned you all in America dont have the Burger Family at A&W? WHO R U EATING THEN

The Buffy ep where Xander looks into the hyena puppets eyes and then turns into a mean guy is the silliest plot in the world

Cat smells like Le Labo have I achieved greatness?