Somebody Important

@ForensicsKuria @amenya_nelson Atleast mpate petty crime muache kuboeka.

Tigoni needs this. The greatest challenge of living in Tigoni is that there are no kids. At all. The average resident is probably 60 years old and their kids are monkeying about in Paris, America or Kilimani. Where I live there is a total of 9 kids in the entire nbeighbourhood. 4 are always indoors watching Netclicks or whatever. 5 are siblings. Subdividing, if it brings in more families is good.

Btw the Kanyotu family are in court cause they want to be allowed to subdivide their massive land in tigoni into small plots so they can sell. The policy there is you can’t go below half acre.

A drunk Tanzanian lady schools Kenyans outside a Quickmart supermarket.

@_MissVivie @kamauwaruhiu Vabbing'

@kamauwaruhiu What perfume do you use?

Hiyo move ya Safaricom ya kuhide numbers kwa transactions will save them from a lot of drama. Mambo ya mtu wa cab kukutext after payment will no longer be there. The recipient will have to prompt you to get your contact details. Awesome!

@HotepSun Are matatu and uber drivers so evil they didn't even make the list?

Worst drivers u can encounter on the Kenyans road: 1. Mazda CX5 (all clueless) 2. VW / Swift / Demio / Subaru (suicidal drivers) 3. Mercedes C150 - C250 (douchebags and very entitled) 4. Angry Landcruiser Prado guys (no explanation necessary/they need therapy) #ChurchOfHotep

@TheoAfricana @georgediano 😂😂

@georgediano Mzee definitely understands why pizza is circular but comes in a square box.

Man to Man Talk.😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

Ruto wants to punish Tuju by buying his multi million worth of Dari enterprise It has Entim Sidai Wellness Sanctuary, Tamarind Karen and Dari Business Park Frame 3 is a nail bar hapo Sidai. Huko pedicure ni ngiri 40. Salary ya more than 40% of watu hii kanairo Bas, hiyo Tamarind has international chefs available on order - e.g, Japanese Chef from Japan, sio from Kinangop You know Kenya is funny! This is where Okuyus in Maasai shuka dance at Airports, nothing is authentic here Halafu Dari business park are glass offices set up in a forested area, ambience ni ile ya ku enable you think and be productive in a nature themed set-up Haya, you remember Tuju was the one making some damn revelations in 2022 (frame 2) And Kasongo neither forgives nor forgets. He revisits! Hata huyu Raila siku moja atakipata. They're buttering him up for later. Already I'm told PSs wa Ruto who've had to make way for Rao's people in recent reshuffle have been told wabebe pesa ndio waache looming scandals isemekane watu wa Rao are incompetent Back to son of Rarieda - his property is being auctioned after he defaulted on his 1.5B loan The company that wants to buy the Hotel is Ultra Eureka, its Director is Jackson K. Chebett Who is also the director of Stabex Ltd. Yes, Stabex ya Kasongo! One plus one equals? Eleven... Good!

@cessy_mburu Was in the same boat. Ended up buying an electric pressure washer. Kumbe washing a car is such a hustle. Got a car cover and that saved me alotof headache.

As someone who works from home, I struggle to leave my compound A LOT! Now I have a very dirty car and the Carwash trip feels like such an inconvenience.

@owiro_i @DRotich82675 Perfect time to suggest a "3 or 4 sum"

@DRotich82675 Perfect time kutry zile sex style ulikua unaogopa kuitishi juu ulikua umemrespect

Aliinitiate break up kumbee the other side wasn't greener as she thought nakuambia ile bidii ako nayo ya kutaka kuniwin back ehee, sai ndio najua these gender hukuwa na pesa let me enjoy my moment 😂

Me with a registered voter

@alexmwanzo The plastics ones yes. Weka the metallic plates.

Most of these plate holders are flimsy as shit one or two rubbles znafunguka and you lose your plates

@alexmwanzo Unataka kupata a whole cow ikirotate kwa grill na strippers sliding down the pole?

Nikitoka jela nipate kfc kwa meza nachukua tu nguo zangu na kughost kila msee kwa io room

@KenyaPower_Care check dm

Claude is good to shitty professions. Gives 10% important response hidden in 90% garbage.

@Safaricom_Care @SafaricomPLC Is Mpesa down. I cannot send, pay or buy anything via Mpesa.

@potterstouchV Abegistan strikes again

The grasshoppers you were looking for in your area,she has them all.

@d3noz_ True. I once parked near their farm to attend an online meeting. Next thing I know a police pickup pulled up karibu wanihande.

I remember a drive out towards Delmonte with the boys. A few minutes after we parked, we suddenly noticed drones flying over us. Moments later G4S showed up and told us to move since we were too close to the farm. Their response team was crazy fast there.

@luminarybiggie @CSakwah Reke theke ....

@CSakwah Every time i go to Cascade Premier, there are new waitresses. I don't know if they are employees or interns from their school of hospitality

I have a friend who owns a hotel in Thika Town. Bro complains that he is tired of hiring waitresses from time to time because Thika men have turned his hotel into a hunting ground for wives.

@Tutu_lips_ Katoto kamoja kamluhya

Nyama 2kgs inafaa kukuliwa n watu wangapi ???

@Emma999Too @Safaricom_Care Hehe @Safaricom_Care ni wezi. Hamia @AIRTEL_KE

@Safaricom_Care is there a reason or any possibility one can use up 10 GB in in 10 minutes? I called customer care and I was informed my data was used up. It’s never happened in all the years I have used my lines. What’s really going on lately with your billing? Your data experience has become extremely expensive and extremely unsatisfactory. @SafaricomPLC

@Elias_Kamau_ @DantizerCFC 🤣🤣🤣 you are jumping from the frying pan to hell direct

@DantizerCFC Bana that thing made me hate eating and drinking soup, io ya vichwa for some years, Sasa natakanga ya kondoo, juu hainanga hizo stuff

Btw juzi nilipata experience sijui. Kwa kichwa ya mbuzi after kutoa hizo horns, worms mbili zilitoka na ziko alive. What is that? I was shocked bana.