Decelerate Your Life

I'm so tired of her telling me Haitians aren't eating cats when she's Haitian and goes home and eats pussy every night

Just had to make sure it wasn't a Mandella effect.

Someone said "dudes in the military get married in their dress blues because they can't afford to rent a tux" and I never felt more personally attacked.

"Teachers don't get paid enough!" It is enough to apparently give the students they fuck an allowance.

They couldn't afford it either.

St. Patrick's Day is just Kwanzaa for White people.

I got excited before I read the caption

The worst part of the USS Abraham Lincoln's deployment is that some boat 8 (civilian 3) won't be getting an all expense paid Dubai port visit courtesy of a married dude in her department.

The only thing that can defeat evil now is big naturals and a white Monster.

I dont know who @LinseyFaganTX is but saying the US hockey team give "rapist vibes" is absolutely unhinged and uncalled for at the very least.

British describing anything: I wonder if Muhammad will make us take this down.

Women will cry about a baby monkey who was rejected by it's mother and then turn around and get an abortion.

Nobody's a disappointment to their parents on stolen land.

If you start "Top Gun" at 11:51:14 tonight, Maverick will go inverted at midnight. Start your 2026 off right.

People give Kevin's dad shit for yelling at him for spend $967 on room service. That's over $2,200 in today's money. I sure as hell would be beating that ass, too.

@CMC_MarineCorps Commandant, the Corps expects better. With documented retaliation and fraternization concerns, how does Col. Daniel J. Skuce meet the standard for general officer promotion? @secnav @deptofwar @sascdems @sascgop

President Trump announced a $1,776 bonus for each servicemember by Christmas. In an completely unrelated note, strip clubs near bases will also see a bonus around Christmas time.

I'm running for president on the platform of restoring the American institution of halogen headlights. We are banning LED's. Once I accomplish that we address the alphabet people problem.

Me: fuck government overreach and regulation. Also me: why is nobody doing anything about these too-damn-bright LED headlights?

People in the military complaining about their food stamps running out. Like what? Nigga just go to the chow hall and eat lol

If Trump said he aborted the East Wing liberal women would be celebrating.