Mark McFeeters

I attended a caulking workshop over the weekend. This is my first attempt. How’d I do?

Being from NJ I’m the last one to talk, but every time I travel to Washington Co. PA I’m surprised how many businesses that advertise on radio are loak-lee owned.

pure cranberry juice is NOT for the weak

i like reading tweets 8-10 times to simulate having a stroke.

Another one of my bright ideas. Create a social media app where things are shown in the order in which they were posted, reposted, or when someone replies to them. We could call it a "timeline" I'm seeing the same posts from 8-10-12 hours ago over and over even after refresh

@espn why is the sound of the sticks, skates, hits, etc SO LOUD watching Flyers v. Pens? What are you doing?? It’s obnoxious and sounds fake. Please stop

I had the idea for Sydney Sweeney like five years ago. I remember mentioning a lady who might be super sexy and wears denim. But nobody listens to me

I made the bed this morning, but admittedly I half-assed it. It's Saturday.

@viktor_vrp wear your safety glasses!

Spotted a 20-meter lathe from 1886 in the bushes — clearly visible even on satellite imagery. SF never stops surprising me. Here’s the location if you’d like to check it out:

My wife is going to B-I-N-G-O tonight to benefit a local animal shelter. An all ladies event. Big "to do" from what I understand. I asked what the prizes were and she said designer handbags. I think the Phillies are playing the Braves.

*it’s your buddy being pranked if that’s not obvious

70’s prank. You are the in your buddies car riding shotgun. You come to a red light with another car in front of you. While the light is still red you reach over and blow the horn and then duck down behind the dash so the person in the other car thinks the driver did it. Omg 😂

Convinced Meemaw she was on Celebrity Sponge Bath with John Stamos.

@cursedinternet I had them sanitized for my protection

@mark_mcfeeters Did you not wash those shorts? They are mighty crisp.

Found this in a pair of shorts I haven’t worn since last summer. I’m rich!!

Here is a series of words people like you might find themselves reading instead of something else

In Germany, carpenters still travel across the country in traditional costume to this day. The journey of those who have already passed their journeyman’s examination and now wish to become master carpenters lasts at least three years and one day. During this time, these unmarried and debt-free men are not allowed to set foot in their hometown; they must even keep many kilometers away from it—they are not even allowed to go home for Christmas. Modern devices such as cell phones are prohibited. The journeyman also does not own a car but covers all distances on foot. The journeymen of the carpentry trade are a historical relic from the Middle Ages, yet they are also a reality of the year 2026. Traditional attire includes a curved walking stick and an earring in the left ear.

thinking about carrying a sharpie 24/7

Today, I want to talk about falling down. Why I'm always doing it, why people laugh, what I'm going to do when I get up.