Preston Porter

@MaryLTrump Now that that's over, can we have Lobotomy Wednesday?

(D)TACO Tuesday.

@TheRickWilson Relax everyone, Susan Collins is concerned.

It's not the Madman Theory when there's an actual madman holding the nuclear codes.

@TheWapplehouse Code Brown 🚨

🚨BREAKING: Sources inside the White House are claiming Donald Trump shit himself to death. The Vice President has barricaded the Oval Office doors and Secret Service agents are reporting a strong odor.

@DocAtCDI "'Cause I got chai, because I got chai, because I got chai"

If I were a rapper, I'd be MC Spice. Then I could say, STOP! Hammer Thyme!

Oh so this was at their White House Easter lunch? Sure Jesus would approve of this message

WOW missed this yesterday….how is this not running 24/7 on every channel and not front page of every paper "It's not possible for us to take care of daycare, Medicaid, Medicare, all these things"……because "we’re fighting wars"

Pam Bondi has a chance to do the funniest face turn ever.

@NotHoodlum Replacing a turd with olestra diarrhea (Blanche)

Pam Bondi, come on down. Your ride is here.

A furious Kristi Noem torches her husband Byron’s bras, fake breasts and other paraphernalia.

@MeachamDr Justice for Cricket! 💪🐶

I take a ONE HOUR break from social media and this lands. 😆

No jumping ship now, Republicans. You broke it, you bought it.

Those of you who know me know I have a thing for experimenting in the kitchen, this was the bread I made today, I can't wait to taste it!

@DocAtCDI Do you know how Moses makes his tea? ☕️ He brews it.

If you bump your head on a coffee maker, does it leave a... ...Brews?

Pete Hegseth Slams CNN In Pentagon Briefing: "The Sooner David Ellison Takes Over That Network, the Better" hollywoodreporter.com/news/politics-…

@RadioFreeTom When this over mee-maw is gonna get him a new handbag

A reminder that we apparently don't know why we're doing what we're doing, even if we're doing it with incredible operational excellence. Or as Scotty would say: "And at Warp 9, we're going nowhere mighty fast"

@DocAtCDI Have you heard Cellophane’s beats? It’s mostly wrap.

My friends and I are in a band called Duvet. We're a cover band.

🤣

Lewandowski is gonna have to find a new sugar mamma now. 😂

@PalmerReport He feels more confident about Mullin being on a horse

Donald Trump just fired Kristi Noem palmerreport.com/politics/donal…

@2Josher @TheWapplehouse

JUST NOW: Ron DeSantis announces first-of-its-kind Cloning Facility in Central Florida. Overseen by Kaminoans, its first major goal is to "create one million Charlie Kirks," DeSantis said, standing alongside Lama Su.

@PaulRudnickNY Being volunteered to attend a ‘Melania’ screening

Jeanine Pirro has just seen: - The Ghost of Christmas Past - Her track record of having cases dismissed - Rudy Giuliani not wearing pants - The Long Island mob wife who wants her coat back - The liquor store owner demanding to be paid - Lara Trump offering to sing