🤠

@TheBabylonBee Feeding my newborn iced coffee with milk to own the libs

Local Man Likes His Coffee Cold, With Milk, Just Like A Little Baby buff.ly/ctiybND

This is the only transition timeline I’m sharing. Please be nice

Best walking city on the planet. Trust me I’m from there. You gotta go smash some PBRs at Dolores Park. Go watch the sunset at Land’s End. Ride a bike down a hill and experience a godlike adrenaline rush. Fuck your startup. Live.

How long after top surgery til I stop reaching up to grab my titty when I'm bored

Bro think he talk o'belle

Rat ran over my foot right as the edible hit

@mansourtarek_ @Alfred_Lin @matthuang @aleximm @luanalopeslara @_charlienoyes @abhishekm1636 Zero reps. I did better than this on the presidential fitness test in 8th grade

This is how Kalshi Q1 board meeting ended. cc @Alfred_Lin @matthuang @aleximm @luanalopeslara @_charlienoyes @abhishekm1636

@EudaimoniaEsq I think he is just excited to have a coffee

I maintain that the single most insufferable thing about New Yorkers is that they bewilderingly try to claim everything. This transcends politics—all New Yorkers do this. Yes, everyone has coffee. Everyone has convenience stores (nicer than your “bodegas”). Everyone has what you have and it’s usually cleaner and cheaper!

The only person I follow on insta who uses the location thing is this dumpy English guy from college who once asked if I liked American Football and I was like I don’t really do sports and he was like no I mean the band. Hope he’s enjoying Salford

My daily 1000 decibel Deadmau5 listen has been interrupted by a phone call from some asshole named “Potential Spam”

Spotted at Classon Ave lol

@mrwtffacts “He could have used this money for long term investments” he’s investing in the good life. He’s living large. He’s experiencing joy he could only once dream of… some people actually know how to have fun. Not sure about some of you tho

In 2002, a 19-year-old British garbage man won nearly £10 million on the lottery. He spent it all on drugs, gambling, and prostitutes and 8 years later he was back working as a garbage man.

Consuming a cigarette and then a green juice is like canceling out a fraction. I have consumed neither an unhealthy or a healthy product. I have consumed nothing.

Smashing through the Myrtle Wyckoff entry gates like the Kool Aid Man

@brokebackstan cery

@will_selecta our spiritual linkage x.com/brokebackstan/…

Fucked up naming myself Willem bc what da hell is this

Cheeseburger

I hate when twitter asks “what’s happening”. How am I supposed to know?

The world may be ending but the homeless guy I sometimes bump into and shoot the shit with got a place to live recently so all is not quite lost

Got my cig. Got my Monster energy beverage. Top surgery complete. Chest tattoo incoming next time I have a manic episode.