Dadding Around

Imagine having an alarm clock, except you can't choose the time it goes off. It also pokes you in the eyes as well as making noise. Oh, and it kinda looks like you, but smaller.

Me: Why are you being so childish?! Ozzy: Because I'm a child... Me: .......Yep.....fair enough.

This notebook sounds sarcastic...

@misteryman526 Where on earth did you get that idea from?

@DaddingAround A country with a whole group of speakers that pronounce 'strong' as 'stwong' has no basis for snarking about how America uses words.

Sometimes I wonder what Americans do with all their free time after taking a whole syllable out of the word aluminium.

The sort of message you have to send people when you're a parent...

I don't even drink tea, but I'm starting to suspect 90% of the cups of tea made each day are just an excuse to eat biscuits.

Occasionally I have to cycle the order of my clothes in the cupboard otherwise I'll just wear the same 2 sets of clothes forever.

Wife: I don't feel too good, I'm going to bed early tonight. Me: Oh no *switches on telly* that sounds like a good plan *turns on ps5* I hope you feel better soon *starts fallout 4*

It's been a little while since I read a book. Mostly because I'm terrible at choosing what's next. But I finally chose and started one today!

@_amillennialmom Save the tape. You can see that the window opened using the electrics. Imagine if all cars could be unlocked by just pushing the windows down 😂

@goofysouthpaw Then technically they are just 'days', and the days that are not 'days' are 'one of those days'.

@ericamorecambe A school light jog is about what I will manage 😅

@DaddingAround And it generally is a proper school run

It's not a proper school run unless it's raining.

@aDatingDad Very good!

@_lola_bee I'd rather set myself on fire than make small talk.

I'd rather tweet than make small talk.

@Mrs_JParker Technically 1am is super early... 👀

i’M gOiNg tO bEd eArLy ToNiGhT — me lying to my own damn face every night

@mcjonnyw Every time! It's the rules.

Jack: Can I have a pear please? Me: A pair of what? Jack: Why are you always like this?

@threetimedaddy You: Making memories with your family is priceless. Passport office: Actually....we have a price for you.

Passports for all 3 kids need renewing at the same time. That was a stupid fucking idea wasn’t it.

I think my phone's facial recognition only knows it's me when I look slightly concerned.

@mcjonnyw 🤣🤣