Michele Swope

If you give me food in a container you will never get the container back, I don’t care if it is diamond encrusted Tupperware that has been in your family for generations

Got an electric toothbrush and used it for the recommended 2 minutes and now I know I’ve never properly cleaned my teeth in 3 decades

People I knew in college have been getting married for awhile and it didn’t phase me but now cool people I knew in college are starting to get married

happy birthday earth!! can’t believe you’re only 2,000 years old!!

@seakin9 I thought I was

Just saw a guy vaccinate himself under an overpass

Oprah needs to interview Britney next

My mom is retired, & she spends her winters volunteering at a sea turtle rescue center in south Texas. The cold snap is stunning the local turtles & they’re doing a lot of rescues. She sent me this photo today of the back of her Subaru. It’s *literally* turtles all the way down.

Happy loves you all! Thanks for everything!

Bumble founder Whitney Wolfe Herd’s fortune rockets past $1 billion as the dating app goes public—making her the world’s youngest self-made woman billionaire on.forbes.com/6013Hg5Rb by @AngelAuYeung

@RadKickflips69 @MountainDew I’d win for the furthest guess

@HardShell6 @MountainDew Throw me some change if you win plzzzz

761 @MountainDew

Who else agrees? #CalvinandHobbes

This is Bishop. He stops by occasionally to ask again if you’d like to invest in his craft brewery. He just needs a little boost to get started. 13/10

people will literally buy 25 plants instead of going to therapy

@0atmilkmatcha Beautiful! Miss you!!!

POV: I'm your dad and we're running late