Not that Kate Atkinson

@tony_mortimer I heard Around The World on Absolute 90s the other day - it's still a banger! (And I still remember every word)

And we sold around 8 million albums. 14 million singles. I’m very proud and humbled. Thank you to everyone that bought one 🙏 you really brought our dream alive.

Looking forward to some more coronal mass ejections tonight. #northernlights

#northernlights #cheltenham #gloucestershire #bishopscleeve #gotherington

#northernlights #bishopscleeve #gotherington #cheltenham #Gloucestershire

@ClaireGibbs16 @lauralexx Yes I totally agree!

@lauralexx You were the best on Sunday at Cheltenham

Not every heckle is live 🙈

@5tevieM Us locals call it Cleevage of course.

rural England is mad you’ll just drive through a village called Bishop’s Cleeve and nobody will remark on it. It’s just normal

@5tevieM Ha! I live in Bishop's Cleeve. The biggest village in England apparently - what an accolade. Never been to Nether Wallop though. Sounds lovely.

@wordmancopy Fuck's sake. Furious on your behalf. Rest assured they won't be able to deliver the actual goods and people will quickly realise that. But what do you do in this situation - report it? Where do you stand? Gah!

@realclintonb Brilliant show, loved it. Glad he's ok. Namaste.

Thanks to everyone who came to my show at Worcester tonight which ended early due to a medical emergency. The poor fella is okay now, I think. Excellent work by the staff. You only missed my singing at the end. So a blessing in many ways.

What 5 year old me thought the foot measuring machine at Clarks would do to me.

I like to think the copywriters at @waitrose had their fun with this before getting reined in by Legal.

@VictorianMasc Except I would actually drink Kikkoman. Love the stuff.

The big bottle of soy sauce is empty. Inner chaos-voice: “Fill it full of Diet Coke and casually sip from it in staff meetings, just to freak people out?”

@SixNationsRugby Shane Williams

Name the player that made you fall in love with rugby... 👇❤️

@RNIB This is brilliant. It's made me realise I am nowhere near as descriptive as I should be when writing ALT text for my company's campaigns. (I choose #2)

@MarthaHD Wouldn't be Christmas without Fanny.

So today is our last Ghostly Hurrah! What a 5 years it’s been, and what a privilege to bow out on Christmas Day. Huge thanks to our cast and crew and everyone who watched us. We hope you enjoy the final visit to Button House and a very Merry Christmas to you all! 👻🎄#bbcghosts

@wordmancopy Is that a cyborg Tony from Hollyoaks?

The fucking kip of it

@keano81 The Taxi driver pitch is the new elevator pitch.

In Leeds, on my way to a workshop. Got a cab from the station. Taxi driver: “What do you do?” Me: “I do learning & stuff. Teach people things.” Driver: “What do you teach?” Me: “Well, in the corporate world people talk a lot of shit. I help them do that less.” Driver: “Nice”

@JamesAHogg2 It's not just the kids that are gonna find it hard to sleep tonight. I will too. Thanks for that.

Cilla Black has been trending for ages so balls to it, I'm going all in with her finest crime against Christmas. This makes the Lionel Richie cover look like Queen at Live Aid. Beware!

Hey @CTFCofficial and fans. My son is selling a calendar he made to raise money for Woodmancote Scout Group. It's a limited edition, one-off. Anyone want to start the bidding? #CTFC

@Real_Rob_Warner I always thought the lyric was "come play my game of Twister"

Why hasn't this guy got the most followers on this God-forsaken app?!