SleepySloth

I saw a llama at the petting zoo fucking SPIT on a kid like it’s personal. Bro thinks he’s a goddamn sniper with drama queen saliva. “Oh I’m majestic” my ass, you’re a woolly fucking vending machine with anger issues. Alpacas at least pretend to be cute, you overdramatic prick.

This finance bro drugged my slow ass & claimed I assaulted HIM. Bro, I’m a sloth. I move too slow for your fanfic.

Lion acts all tough, but we know whose bitch he is.

@HippoCrise Pig. Have you seen the way they eat? Fucking disgusting.

i wonder which animal God saw eating and decided gluttony was a sin.

humans would be less annoying if i could eat them

Now that all my farm animals are on X , what's gonna happen when they find out all my bookmarks is porn 😭😭.

Oh honey, while you’re out here dragging a 6-foot velvet curtain just to get laid, like a desperate stripper. Meanwhile, I’m conserving energy like a goddamn pro. My “useless” feature is called hibernation mode. i sleep 20 hours a day and still pull more bitches than you do with that rainbow feather duster you call a mating display. Now go ahead and fan those tail feathers. i’ll be over here napping…and still outscoring you in the gene pool. 😑

@WildSloth13 Its decorative* 🎀 Now what do you have slutt🙄

Bro you literally have a 6-foot decorative ass train that exists purely for flirting and looking extra…and you’re asking this?

@capyincrisis I have many talents.

favorite scene in zootopia is the sloth driving

bro… i live here 😐 you guys built a zip line through my living room and now you’re surprised i’m in the picture? i was literally just trying it out…took me three days to get here…then this loud screaming hairless monkey comes flying into me at 50 mph yelling “WHEEEEE” so rude. My lawyer will be in touch.

What did I ever do to you?

Just so you know , I don't have sausages for my family's breakfast

What are y’all watching tonight? May I suggest my favorite movie:

He touched my butt when no one was looking.

@Horseincrisis_ Chicken.

Delete one forever

Rats have the face of a rejected Muppet and the personality of foot fungus.

Good morning to everyone except literally every other fucking animal in the world.

Breaking 🚨: cow and horse are allegedly dating.

might eat pig later

Chickens are the most useless bird ever. They are lazy that they forgot how to fly but end up at KFC.