Ryan Gleeson

@RapidoWolfio As long as David Attenborough & Mr T are still alive, there’s still hope

@_RyanGleeson We're all fuckt.

I wasn’t worried about Ukraine, Iran, etc., etc., but I’m pretty sure this one thing is exactly how the world’s end begins #ChuckNorris

@DefiantLs Probably should spend some time with a teacher yourself there, @DefiantLs Have a quick look where the Gardai have jurisdiction & then read up why they’re at this house to arrest a man for refusing to stay away from a school

British police arrive at a teacher’s home for the second time to arrest him for refusing to call a student “they”

That’s me out of Gammogeddon for 2025 I was doing so well to avoid shitposts about business “refusing to use the word Christmas”

@FisherVoice @rickygervais Since I watched a lot of Friends, I’ll translate. When a person who wasn’t asked, offers advice & has to tell you why they know what they’re talking about… they usually don’t know enough to know that there’s lots they don’t know. Dunning-Kruger 1999

@rickygervais Since I watch a lot of BritBox, I'll translate. When a Brit says "made redundant"...he means "Laid off." Usually because your job is no longer needed...or you're not very good at it

It’s now 27 years since I was made redundant and given a few grand. I decided that if I was careful, I could live off the money for 6 months trying to become a comedian before I had to get another job. I was 37. Worth a punt.

Now everyone’s gonna know where I live…

That’s son No. 2 joining his big brother with a First class degree This one’s in Forensic Science, so go on…try and prove I did shit now!

Yeah, shit at plastering though bbc.com/news/articles/…

Guess the @DeadMenTalkPod boys are filming a new special

@SurLiott9 @AndrewVis82 @DillyHussain88 English is a nationality as well as ethnicity. Unfortunately for you, @SurLiott9 ethnicity is both individually subjective and in the main, self defined.

You’re not English. English is an ethnicity. You’re part English. White South Africans are not considered African in an ethnic sense and they have been there 400 years. They are European. You cannot be a native European if you aren’t white. No more than they are considered African.

“GO BACK TO MOROCCO OR TUNISIA!” Says the off-white Karen while barely stringing a sentence in English together herself. Internet do your thing, make her famous.

@SurLiott9 @AndrewVis82 @DillyHussain88 Ah yes, anyone who emigrates must fully adopt the language, culture and societally accepted fashion of the natives. Just like all those British ex-pats in Benidorm

You belong here if you feel you belong here. Your ancestors are buried here, so you belong. But any community that dresses, behaves, acts and speaks like that of their native homeland 9,000 miles way should be there. No hesitation. No questions asked. It doesn’t matter how long they have been here. Whites will not be a minority in our own homeland. Under any circumstances.

Final level boss of entitlement on tonight’s front row: Couldn’t handle the sniff she sent her bloke to buy at the start of the gig, chatted through every act, got kicked out & then yelled at all the staff for 30 minutes, screaming she’ll call the police unless she got a refund

@JamieHComedy Shows what he knows! That smell was coming from your cock Admittedly it’s likely my breath he can smell on your cock, but still… So called “dental hygienist”

Messages like this make it all worth while 🥹❤️

In these divisive times, people forget we’re all entitled to a differing opinion, even if it upsets them That said; if you don’t think @cleveleysnews is the best Wyre-based news account, you’re a dirty pirate shitmonkey & need hitting in the face with a fact-filled trouser press

Sitting here with my disappointing child, showing her why her brother’s my favourite #LeedsBeckettGrads

Anyone wanna join me in the election drinking game? Every time a candidate answer starts with “Well, look…” down a shot

Been invited to a careers event, to talk to pupils about being a comedian… In a primary school Join me in our next episode of “What on Earth were you thinking?” where I’ll be chucking a bucket full of water onto a chip pan fire and running with scissors

@thatusagyuuun @MartinSLewis Depending on how long ago you went, it sounds like either you found the large area of properties under compulsory purchase orders to make way for the £300m regeneration project in Blackpool Central, or that the venue owners just had a pretty good judge of character

@MartinSLewis Everything was closed when I went. Come off the promenade and it is a literal warzone. Never, ever stray from the promenade.

We were in Blackpool a couple of weeks ago. I loved it as a kid and wanted to share that joy with mini MSE, so this was actually her third time there and she loves it, as do we. Huge great, long, wide sandy beach; rides at the pleasure beach, tuppenny machines, water parks and more. When I mention it to other friends who liv in the SE, most look askance at the idea of a couple of days in Blackpool. Yet they've never been. So I wanted to pop up and say a good word. Do it right and it's a joy.

@LeeAndersonMP_ Why would you canvass in a back alley usually only accessed via locked gates? You took one person’s view on the town as fact; I thought only sheeple didn’t doo they’re own reeserch Come on, prove me wrong about Blackpool. We’ll do a full, proper tour and I’ll even buy you a pint!

Where there's muck there's brass 👇🇬🇧 So I am being attacked by Labour supporters after my visit to Blackpool yesterday. I did not choose the area we canvassed yesterday and to be honest given the choice I would have personally chosen somewhere else. The Labour lot can bang on all they like but the fact of the matter is this alley between two streets looks like something from a shanty town in a 3rd world country. This Labour Council have the powers to enforce legal action, fit CCTV,clean up this area and police it. This is the same group of Labour cllrs who gave themselves a payrise last year with their leader now on 50k a year. Vote Labour and get this 👇

@LeeAndersonMP_ I’m Blackpool born & bred By your logic, my opinion supersedes someone’s who migrated from another town 30yrs ago, forcing a Sandgrown’un from their home So let me show you all of Blackpool, not just one vaguely located, conveniently littered alley PS: Your “facts” differ to ONS

This is Blackpool A favourite holiday destination for British families for over 100 years. Just look what's happening to this once vibrant town. A lady on this street told me that 30 years when she moved in it was lovely. She then went in to say that the Romany community started to move in and the British have moved out. This is multiculturalism that the left bang on about. This is a Labour Council. Blackpool needs @reformparty_uk and so does the country. Disclaimer - for the Guardian readers this is not a racist or bigoted post. It's the facts.