Jason Sweeney

@markleggett yesssssss

Sometimes you look around outside on a nice day and think “Wow, not a single cloud in the sky…”, but then you turn around and see one small cloud, and you’re like “FUCK!”

@katefeetie Those are the sights I would recommend. Get Cops Doughnuts.

@sween I am in goddamn toronto!! seeing all the sights (inside of hotel room, inside of edit suite)

in 48 hours I have gone from pronouncing it “toronto” to “tronno” to “trn” to a sort of gutteral murmur reminiscent of a mythical cave creature

Halloween all rolled up into one deadly little package.

@katefeetie Steven Anita Smith!

I think if I shared how much I actually watch American Dad many of you would stop respecting me and you would be right to

@katefeetie Copywriting can be a gift.

comfy for chonks

@RossFloate "i". A self-absorbed kombucha-brewing singer-songwriter of a letter.

@katefeetie vanessa-stockard.myshopify.com/products/offic…

it is an unfortunate fact that the cuter a cat is, the more it will do Terrorism

@RossFloate I believe you are thinking of Robert Pine.

@rsmallbone Oh, Richard. I’m so sorry.

She was my best friend. We’d go on drives in the country and she’d put her head out the window and bark at the horses. She’d lie beside me while I worked. I feel like a part of my heart’s been torn out. I’m devastated.

@everydaydude So, so sorry, dude.

@ttseco Theo.

Why did the Turks change the name to Istanbul? Because they couldn't stand the inople. It was constant.

I’m still not clear on what superpowers The Reverse Cowgirl has.

MEANWHILE IN CANADA: yikes

I took my wife on her dream vacation for her birthday and she just told me the Trump verdict is the best gift she could have ever gotten. Thanks.

How soon until we see a T-shirt that says “REAL MEN ARE GUILTY”?

@jellybeansprez @damselesque It was the perfect cherry on the top. 😂

@sween @damselesque This guy in the background really makes the shot 😂 Happy Birthday @damselesque!

This is where I would normally show you the drawing I made for my wife’s birthday. But there isn’t one this year. Because this year for her birthday, she thought it would be fun to go to Edinburgh.

But there is no one I would rather sacrifice my body and soul for than this woman. Happy Birthday, @damselesque. Let’s wear our feet to bloody nubs together forever.

And thus my body and brain are broken. So she’s just gonna have to wait for her drawing.