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Whatever your pinned tweet is should be on your grave
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Luke Schwartz is nice again, 🤷♂️
13.6K posts
Luke Schwartz is nice again, 🤷♂️
@LukeDoesStuff
for booking inquiries: yes please!! Stand up comedian and host of The Comedy Store Doorcast. I’m nice now 2.0 in full effect. Legacy verified 🕶️
City of Angles 加入时间 Ağustos 2013
691 关注1.7K 粉丝
You know wing-manning works when you kiss your bro on the mouth in front of her
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Q: What are the three secrets of comedy?
A: timing and misdirection
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I tell my daughter there are starving kids in Africa. Not during mealtimes. Just all the time, to depress her
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Got booked for a show on Friday. The next day, booker tells me the venue cancelled his show there forever. That’s the Luke Schwartz effect, baby! 😉
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This is the best mural in Los Angeles and it isn’t even close
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@CooneyOrDie Not me! My dodge charger is black with red stripes!
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Active situation going on here. Can someone let the manager at the comedy store know? (sound on)
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The spit up on my shirt I wear like a dad badge of honor 🫡
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Yelling “you can’t treat me like this, I’m a father” at my baby
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Greeting all the orthodox in my neighborhood with “feliz año nuevo” and “buenas yuntif”. Really confusing to them 😏
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In the next 30 years I’ll bet we’ll have a president named Creighton or Jaxton or something stupid like that
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Remember ladies, just because he’s wearing nail polish doesn’t mean he’s an ally
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