matt

@LustralBasin Stop digging.

Chocolate milk and regular milk taste the same there is no difference in taste

it's been so long since i kissed a girl that the next time it happens it will be like the first time all over again. this is actually like really exciting

(flirting) you look like you need a lot of sleep

@thirdimpactgirl this better not be an april fools joke

@RafeGuttman it's called a slow burn unc

@ruffledsavior You'll never go out with me. You just breadcrumb tf out of me.

First date idea: you pretend to be interested in what I do. I pretend to be interested in women.

i am one bad day away from becoming a puppygirl

@arabelladevine currently on the mother of all coal streaks with no end in sight

@ruffledsavior fire i’m afraid

if i'm bad at loving you then let me be horrifically bad at it. let me show the world how long i can do something i have absolutely no aptitude for

@FrogstarDreamer not good—leads to isolation

I don't see any reason to leave the house, all my video games alcohol and youtube live concerts are there

just called a shoegaze song dreampop in front of the huzz and they killed me

@RafeGuttman and we could make small talk

@ruffledsavior I'll reply to each post with a thumbs up emoji instead of being the lecherous creep I am on your main.

a private alt where i post only sane, ordinary and normal things

how the first guy to literally kiss the ground a woman walked on felt

@Vibez899 good job

@ruffledsavior Right in the face once. Some kid kicked it and I turned around and boom. I almost got violent with him but never worth it.

best thing to get hit in the head by = soccer ball. in fact you often want it to happen

beautiful woman. don't make a point of her beauty—that's what everyone does. instead act like you don't notice it. in fact don't acknowledge her in any way. this way you'll never have a wife and die alone

@milkbraining i'm just saying

@ruffledsavior ???

my hole is super tight as well but you don't see me bragging about it

it's not really faking sick to get out of work if you're actually really tired

'whose pussy is this?' it belongs to oomf