matt

i love how i forget that i like going outside, being in the sun, talking to people, sweating, cleaning, doing laundry, et cetera, every couple of weeks or so

@opheliasbathtub 💎

micropenis should be pronounced like “acropolis,” so “microp-enis” to give the beholder back some dignity

@unactuallife Rafe 'Stool Pigeon' Guttman

I have it on good authority that Rafe Guttman is informing on other reply guys in the DMs

she's so beautiful she comes with a warning label

i'm going to stop doing everything i like to do and just see what happens

@mayaviatwitta the night is the day of the moon

the moon is the sun of the night

truth poison blow dart

what about truth hug. truth kiss on the cheek.

i used to have someone who really cared about me and now i'm on first dates asking questions like can you please not shave your buh for me

if you haven't at least considered becoming a woman, you are a fucking idiot

idea: we track a man's descent into alienation and despair. and we give it a like button

@mutualexclusi0n 👆

@ruffledsavior You were trusted with too many bangers. Look what it did to you. Whore.

anything less than four hundred thousand likes is a flop

@mknya14 fat n ugly

i don't have you anymore but i never lost you

when you see a hot chick and have to have the whole 'am i gay or not' conversation with yourself again

just found out humor is the antidote to shame. which means a lot of you are perverts

@zenithoptera don't mog me on my own post

@ruffledsavior it's called still life because back then the paintings couldn't move yet

oh i get it. it's called a 'still life' because there's still life to look forward to even after everything

@sharpenthesw0rd no the girl i'm stalking was having trouble with her other stalker

@ruffledsavior Is this about the bitch who posted the girl from their hometown trying to be an influencer

some stalkers make the rest of us look bad