Soldier Boy!

[A GRUMPY OLD MAN IN GREEN GEAR LOGS INTO A COMPUTER FOR THE FIRST TIME. HE SEES AN X ON THE COMPUTER.] "The fuck is a Twitter?" [SOLDIER BOY JOINS PARODY TWITTER.]

Backrooms is officially the youngest director ever to have a #1 Kane Parsons at the domestic box office in its opening weekend. He is only 20 films old.

‘OBSESSION’ has passed $200M worldwide. The film is quickly becoming the most profitable low-budget film of all time.

@SAPPHlRE_HERO Jesus. I don't know how you could even deal with that.

@v1withoutreason “It’s…a weird little thing.” [They stretch their arms a bit ] “Does weirder things, one time it made me the size of a doll.”

Hi.

@SAPPHlRE_HERO ...Okay how the FUCK did that work?

@v1withoutreason “Yeah, like it’s going to liste-“ [Theirs a faint glow from the sapphire, and it works.] “Are you KIDDING ME!?”

@SAPPHlRE_HERO ... [He thinks.] You look like an adult. [He says, trying to... outsmart it.]

@v1withoutreason “Yep. That’s why if someone calls me ‘childish’..” [a gesture to themself ] “This happens.”

@SAPPHlRE_HERO Oh, so it has a conscience. Great.

@v1withoutreason “Exactly! And now it’s probably mad at me.”

@SAPPHlRE_HERO Well god damn. It really doesnt break.

@v1withoutreason [The gem doesn’t break ]

@SAPPHlRE_HERO Thanks. [He places the sapphire on the ground, and he strikes his shield down onto it.]

@v1withoutreason [they hand the sapphire to him]

@SAPPHlRE_HERO Wouldn't hurt to try.

@v1withoutreason “Doubt it, it’s pretty smart.”

@SAPPHlRE_HERO ...Oh. Do you think *I* could break it?

@v1withoutreason [A sigh ] “No I didn’t mean like that- you can still talk!”

@SAPPHlRE_HERO I- [He cuts himself off, realizing what they just said. He takes out a notepad, writing something. He then hands the notepad to them. It reads:] "Is there any way I can help?]

@v1withoutreason “Nope.” .. “Please don’t say anything..”

@SAPPHlRE_HERO What the fuck... Can you break it?

@v1withoutreason “Well..” [They take out the sapphire, toss it with surprising strength, and it comes back like a boomerang.]

@SAPPHlRE_HERO Okay, what if you were to throw it away?

@v1withoutreason “No, the stupid thing hates my guts. Only listens when someone gives it a new way to screw with me..”

@SAPPHlRE_HERO ...Usually? Okay so... are you able to reverse it?

@v1withoutreason [A sigh ] “Look, this stupid gemstone has made me a child, but I’m usually 21!”

@SAPPHlRE_HERO Well I don't know, you look.. You're small. Didn't mean to upset you.

@v1withoutreason “Wh- how old do you think I am!?”

@SAPPHlRE_HERO I.. Uh... Yeah. [He hands the child a few dollars.] Shouldn't you be with your parents right now?

@v1withoutreason “Could you lend me some cash? I need a drink..”

//i reeeeeeeeeeeeeeally like godzilla this made me reeeeeeeeally happy

Shut up