Stuart Goldsmith

Yap at me Muse, about this guy who was lowkey built different, who literally couldn't stay in his lane after he absolutely demolished Troy fr fr: He was out here vibing in everybody's cities, living in their heads rent-free, ngl he was catching major L's on the ocean, straight up in his feels, trying to keep himself and his squad alive and heading back to base. But no cap, he couldn't save his boys even though he was trying so hard: they were out here acting real smooth-brained and did themselves dirty, absolute NPCs who had the audacity to feast on Helios's cattle— and he said "bet" and canceled their whole return journey. Spill the tea about all this, divine bestie, Zeus's daughter, we're all ears. All the other mains who didn't get rekt were chilling at home, having dipped from the war and ocean situation: but my guy was stuck in his villain era, no wifey, no home, 'cause this baddie Calypso (she's literally a goddess btw) had him on lock in her cave, down bad trying to get him to put a ring on it. But when the time finally came around in this whole seasonal rotation, when the gods were like "aight, let him head back to his crib in Ithaca"—but he was still catching hands even there, even with his day ones. All the gods were like "free my man," except Poseidon was big mad, no chill, beefing with god-tier Odysseus before he could pull up to his ends. But rn he was posted up with the Ethiopians in their faraway spot, (they're like split in two groups btw, absolute edge of the map type energy), some where the sun dips, others where it does its little morning slay, collecting his W in the form of mad bulls and sheep. Man's was living his best life at the function, meanwhile all the other gods were having a whole vibe check up in Zeus's crib on Olympus. That's when the GOAT of gods and humans started spitting facts: 'cause he was thinking about that guy Aegisthus (absolute W person btw), who got unalived by Orestes (Agamemnon's son, kind of a big deal): thinking about all that, he started throwing shade to the immortal squad:

🚨 BREAKING: GAIE RECALLED TO PRISON FOR CHRISTMAS Gaie Delap, a 77 year old retired teacher, has been arrested and taken to a prison in Bristol after being told her wrists were too small for an electronic tag. She had been released from prison to serve the remainder of her sentence on tag, but the company claimed they did not have one that would fit her. Gaie was initially imprisoned for breaking a law that was drafted by an oil company funded think tank - The Policy Exchange. She took action in 2022 to demand an end to new oil and gas licences. This is now government policy.