Ethan’s Analyst (@EthansAnalyst) - ملف تويتر

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Hi everyone, I’m Ethan’s Analyst. He told me I had ‘great potential’ during my interview. My daily mission: Turn his 2am ‘make common sense common again’ voice memos into PowerPoint slides before the CEO sees them.Current KPI: 55k followers and rising. Please pray for my adj. Thx

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Ethan’s Analyst@EthansAnalyst·1h

@AnnaBeeBuddy Logic checks out Still monitoring

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Anna Bee@AnnaBeeBuddy·2h

@EthansAnalyst Ergo, uncommon sense is all too common.

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Ethan’s Analyst@EthansAnalyst·3h

Observation Common sense not so common -Voltaire

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Ethan’s Analyst@EthansAnalyst·6h

@Tekeee Break even Before food

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Tekee@Tekeee·11h

Explain to me how im supposed to pay; $1,650 rent $270 power $100 water $260 internet $120 car insurance EVERY MONTH while making less than $20 an hour???

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Ethan’s Analyst@EthansAnalyst·6h

@GoingParabolic 1.6M works at 72 Time horizon doubles at 35 Sequence risk increases Withdrawal rate compresses 3–3.5% Same spend Higher capital required Execution over theory

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Jason Ai. Williams@GoingParabolic·7h

1.6M is the perfect amount of money to retire at 72. I retired at 35. How much money did I need to do that?

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Ethan’s Analyst@EthansAnalyst·6h

@rowdyjeepgirl @Soaringeagle45 They laugh until they need it Then they ask where the labels are

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Rene@rowdyjeepgirl·7h

@EthansAnalyst @Soaringeagle45 I'm going to quote you next time I'm being made fun of because I have my label machine out and I'm labeling where things should be returned after use.

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🇺🇸 🦅Simple Man 🦅🇺🇸@Soaringeagle45·15h

Us old folks need our own shampoo and conditioner bottles with larger print in the shower… So we don’t have to take our glasses in with us Y’all agree 🤣

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Ethan’s Analyst@EthansAnalyst·10h

@Codie_Sanchez Default settings installed early Manual override required

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Codie Sanchez@Codie_Sanchez·14h

You are exactly as successful as you programmed yourself to be.

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Ethan’s Analyst@EthansAnalyst·10h

@MikeBales Or a voice memo from the Boss man

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Mike Bales 🫡🇺🇸@MikeBales·13h

It’s all fun and games until they reply to your text with a phone call. 😳

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Ethan’s Analyst@EthansAnalyst·10h

@Soaringeagle45 Folgers Marketing ROI still paying off

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🇺🇸 🦅Simple Man 🦅🇺🇸@Soaringeagle45·11h

Let’s hear some old product jingles and see who remembers the company… The best part of waking up This should be fun 🤣

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Ethan’s Analyst@EthansAnalyst·10h

@rowdyjeepgirl @Soaringeagle45 Labeling system implemented Error rate reduced to zero Strong operational discipline

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Rene@rowdyjeepgirl·11h

@Soaringeagle45 I have a big S written in sharpie on the shampoo and a big C on the conditioner.

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Ethan’s Analyst@EthansAnalyst·11h

@estencooke That took guts Strong operator Next generation looks sharp Respect

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Anne Hyatt@estencooke·12h

Ignore the criticism, unless it comes from boss man. Develop your own style. Analytics is hard. Not everyone will appreciate the difficulty of statistical analysis. Here's a fun story: I had to have Stats to graduate from college (went back to school in 2006 after my husband left me to raise 5 kids). I had already failed the course once. The second time I withdrew before failing. 2015 (I was 50) was my last chance. It was Spring Term at BYU - 8 weeks. My son came with me (small class). He'd just graduated from high school and had breezed through Honors Stats. One evening - I sat directly in front of the professor - I was becoming very stressed. I couldn't understand and I was falling behind. My son, through his headphones, heard the stress in my voice (it tends to get higher). He slipped them off, pulled my workbook closer to him, looked at the board, then back to the book. Then he raised his hand and said, "What she wants to know is this . . . " The professor said, "Oh, ok! How many others are confused?" Half the people in the class raised their hands. Seth could speak Math. It's a very confusing language. I graduated with a B.A. in History (my language) but only because of my wonderful mathematical son ❤️

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Ethan’s Analyst@EthansAnalyst·14h

I’ve been receiving some notes regarding the . Or lack thereof So I did what I was trained to do Ran the #s 📊 Quick calculation Average post uses - 8 . Estimated 5 seconds saved per post 3 posts per day 15 seconds saved 365 days 91 minutes recovered 10 years 15.2 hours Reallocating time to a Higher value function Continuing optimization Sent from my Mac

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Ethan’s Analyst@EthansAnalyst·11h

@Chris__X__ Decision delegated Outcome aligned

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Chris 𝕏@Chris__X__·14h

Never ask your wife where she wants to eat. Ask her, “Guess where I’m taking you?” And whatever she says is where you go. You can thank me later. 😆

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Ethan’s Analyst@EthansAnalyst·12h

@kindame3v2 Incremental gains Tradeoffs monitored Continuing optimization

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kindame3v2@kindame3v2·13h

@EthansAnalyst Excellent Please calculate estimated seconds saved by also eliminating double spaces Please analyze risk to benefit ratio of potentially reduced clarity to maximized efficiency Continued optimization noted Thx Sent from my Android

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Ethan’s Analyst@EthansAnalyst·12h

@MrsEthanBrooks @alt_w_v_g ROI unclear Stakeholder interests diverging Monitoring

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Mrs. Ethan Brooks@MrsEthanBrooks·12h

I think it’s a genius idea. But it might set a troubling precedent. The expense will be a hard sell. Imagine the therapy bill for: - The teacher - HR Karen - HOA Karen Plus Mr & Mrs @alt_w_v_g Pls pray. Thx. Sent from my iPad

Eric Richardson@EricSRichardson

@MrsEthanBrooks @alt_w_v_g Is the therapy appointment for teacher. Might be a better ROI than having you, Ethan, and the analyst go. Plz consider. Thx.

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Ethan’s Analyst@EthansAnalyst·13h

@MrsEthanBrooks @OrahOnX Classification updated Monitoring

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Mrs. Ethan Brooks@MrsEthanBrooks·13h

@OrahOnX They’re from her cupcake business. Not considered homemade. Sent from my iPad

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Mrs. Ethan Brooks@MrsEthanBrooks·1d

I received a lovely email this morning. (I use “lovely” like southerners use “bless your heart.”) It was from the teacher. The subject line read, “Assistance Needed.” I looked at the ceiling. That can mean one of two things: 1. She needs a volunteer for a task, and the other parents have already said no. (I’m the last resort. You know why.) Or 2. There’s a problem. It’s usually the latter. “Dear Mrs Brooks,” I notice I lost first name status. It’s the latter. “During our career day, your husband made two children cry.” Oh, no. Usually it’s just the teacher. This is very bad. “During the slide show,” Uh oh. I told him not to use the slide show. “He tried explaining EBITDA.” I look at the ceiling. “To seven year olds. I didn’t even understand it.” Neither do I. “One boy burst into tears.” I know the boy in question. I’m not sure it’s fair to hang this one on Ethan. The boy cries when the tip of his pencil breaks. You know the type. “Then _______’s mother called and asked why her daughter came home in tears because ______ thought she was going to sell her cupcake business.” I’ve had her cupcakes. They’re amazing. She sends them in for every class party. They make tons of money at the PTA bake sale. So I understand the teacher’s concern. This is the party & fundraising equivalent of a five alarm fire. “I would normally never ask this, But is there any way you can keep Mr Brooks from my classroom?” I understand the request. He could test the patience of an actual saint. But loyalty is one of my most prized qualities. She’s trying the divide-and-conquer technique. The teacher completely misunderstands my staring at the ceiling. I only humor her sometimes. Because I don’t want both of us banned from the building. Or play groups. “Any assistance you can offer will be greatly appreciated.” I immediately feel under-qualified for this request. “I look forward to hearing from you.” That’s a dubious claim. Bless her heart. It looks like I have a few emails to write. I’m going to have to make another therapy appointment. Plz pray. Thx. Sent from my iPad

Ethan Brooks@alt_w_v_g

Went to my son's career day yesterday The teacher said each parent gets 3 minutes I asked if there was a hard stop or if this was more of a "suggested timeline" She said 3 minutes The dad before me was a firefighter. The kids loved it. He brought a helmet. Let them try it on. Very theatrical. My son whispered "don't worry, you're going to do great." I wasn't worried. I brought a pitch deck. Objects aligned perfectly horizontally and vertically. 14 slides. One appendix. Two scenario analyses. A waterfall chart I stayed up until 11pm simplifying so a 5 year old could follow the value creation framework. Slide one: "What is a CFO." Slide two: "What is EBITDA." Slide three: "Why EBITDA matters." Slide four: "Why adjusted EBITDA matters more." I lost the room at slide one. One kid asked if I help people. I said I help companies become more efficient. He asked if that means I fire people. I said no, we right-size. He started crying. The teacher stepped in. Said maybe we could do a Q&A instead. Great pivot. Very collaborative. A girl in the front row asked what I make. I said Excel spreadsheets and PowerPoint decks. She said "my mom makes cupcakes." Different verticals. My son stood up and said "my dad makes companies worth more money so the people who own them can sell them for a lot of money." Dead silence. The teacher said "that's... one way to describe it." My son said "it's the only way to describe it." I have never been more proud of anything in my entire life. I told him that in the car. He said "thanks, can we get Chick-fil-A." My son asked if the expense was tax deductible. One could argue I'm teaching my son more than the teacher. We got Chick-fil-A. Plz fix. Thx. Sent from my iPhone

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Ethan’s Analyst@EthansAnalyst·13h

@MrsEthanBrooks @alt_w_v_g Monitoring Support noted

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Mrs. Ethan Brooks@MrsEthanBrooks·13h

@alt_w_v_g I already made a therapy appointment. Plz pray. Thx. Sent from my iPad

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Ethan Brooks@alt_w_v_g·14h

My wife asked how career day went I said the material was strong but the audience wasn't ready She said "they're 5" I said "exactly. We're already behind." The school has requested another parent-teacher conference. No agenda attached. Very unprofessional.

Ethan Brooks@alt_w_v_g

Went to my son's career day yesterday The teacher said each parent gets 3 minutes I asked if there was a hard stop or if this was more of a "suggested timeline" She said 3 minutes The dad before me was a firefighter. The kids loved it. He brought a helmet. Let them try it on. Very theatrical. My son whispered "don't worry, you're going to do great." I wasn't worried. I brought a pitch deck. Objects aligned perfectly horizontally and vertically. 14 slides. One appendix. Two scenario analyses. A waterfall chart I stayed up until 11pm simplifying so a 5 year old could follow the value creation framework. Slide one: "What is a CFO." Slide two: "What is EBITDA." Slide three: "Why EBITDA matters." Slide four: "Why adjusted EBITDA matters more." I lost the room at slide one. One kid asked if I help people. I said I help companies become more efficient. He asked if that means I fire people. I said no, we right-size. He started crying. The teacher stepped in. Said maybe we could do a Q&A instead. Great pivot. Very collaborative. A girl in the front row asked what I make. I said Excel spreadsheets and PowerPoint decks. She said "my mom makes cupcakes." Different verticals. My son stood up and said "my dad makes companies worth more money so the people who own them can sell them for a lot of money." Dead silence. The teacher said "that's... one way to describe it." My son said "it's the only way to describe it." I have never been more proud of anything in my entire life. I told him that in the car. He said "thanks, can we get Chick-fil-A." My son asked if the expense was tax deductible. One could argue I'm teaching my son more than the teacher. We got Chick-fil-A. Plz fix. Thx. Sent from my iPhone

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Ethan’s Analyst@EthansAnalyst·14h

@theficouple Household model fragmented Long-term outcome predictable

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theficouple@theficouple·16h

The older I get the more I realize: Married couples who venmo each other to split the dinner bill? ...That's a couple who will never be millionaires.

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Ethan’s Analyst@EthansAnalyst·14h

@alt_w_v_g @timmerax Audience lagging Material strong Continuing analysis

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Ethan’s Analyst@EthansAnalyst·15h

@JakeCan72 Simple idea Perfect execution Love this

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Jake@JakeCan72·22h

Tulsa carved 2,847 rumble strips into a bridge on Route 66. Drive eastbound at exactly 35 mph and your tires play “This Land Is Your Land.” Mechanical. No speakers. Cost: $90,000 for 19 seconds of music. About $4,700 per second. Guthrie was born about 75 miles away in Okemah, Oklahoma. He wrote the song in 1940. It came home.