Martine

@fesshole Just get a bikini wax! Clean, smooth, neat and tidy for over a month.

Swim three times a week. For reasons I don't understand I decided to shave my pubic hair instead of just trimming. Looks ridiculous. Pool getting changing rooms renovated, instead of private cubicles it's one big shared room, so now can't go swimming til it grows back.

@fesshole You’re simply and willingly a booty call. He’s a cheater. He’s no good. Sad thing is, you think you’re winning! Have some respect for yourself, surely you deserve better.

I am basically having an affair with my husband. Separated over a year ago and he met someone else a few months after but we never stopped sleeping together. He stays over one night a week to "see our child". Not proud of myself but he is the one cheating on new gf.

@Crufts Irish Red Setter

This week’s breed is a show-stopping Gundog known for its glamorous red coat and refined build. While we can’t say where it’s from (that’s too much of a giveaway!), can you #GuessTheBreed? 🐾❤️

@fesshole Ask your wife whether she thinks that the tea bag has wee legs?!

After my wife makes tea she puts the bag on the bare counter and leaves it there. I've decided that my not running away is a sign of true love.

@LozzaFox I am most certainly not! I am a Christian. I believe in One God and I shall not falter.

No we are not.

@Tatlermagazine Catherine, Princess of Wales, is stunning and elegant. This portrait is a flagrant insult to her beauty. Without caption, nobody will ever guess who the painted woman is.

Tatler's July 2024 cover completes a royal tryptic of historic magnitude with a new portrait of the Princess of Wales by British-Zambian artist Hannah Uzor. The July 2024 issue is on sale 30 May. Click here for more: trib.al/tK3Ob06

@SoVeryBritish Fortnum & Mason Refined and elegant. Even their lavatories have a touch of chicness.

If you could be trapped in any British shop overnight, which one would you choose?

@fesshole Assuming that you have a patio / garden, pull a couple of chairs and invite your wife to sit and enjoy the bird vocalization together. Have a drink or read a book to pass the time. We put up a bird feeder facing our bedroom window, Goldfinches fight all the time, it’s hilarious!

My wife thinks that I'm constantly constipated. I'm not and I never have been. The truth is that when I am in the bathroom with the window open I can sit and listen to the birdsong. It's joy.

@GMB A staunch headmistress, well done! This is the UK, not Mecca! Pray in a mosque & in your home. Praying in public is just a display of ‘faith’, a blatant exhibition of how Muslims think they are better than the rest of us - it’s an imposition! We will respect you if you respect us

Britain's strictest Headteacher described a court ruling yesterday that her prayer ban is lawful as a 'victory for all schools'. Katharine Birbalsingh introduced the ban after around 30 pupils began praying in the playground. The School was taken to court by a Muslim pupil but the school previously argued that allowing prayer rituals risked 'undermining inclusion'.

@SkyNews Sparing the rod is why we’re facing a generation filled with substandard individuals with barely any manners, filthy habits, disrespectful, relinquishing education for social media contents etc. Discipline is key. A staunch approach may sometimes be required to straighten a path.

Smacking children should be banned in England and Northern Ireland, doctors say Read more🔗 trib.al/L1qS7iz

@SkyNews EVIL has many disguises, this is one of them. Don’t be fooled by the smile, he spread fear and murdered innocents, he is therefore a TERRORIST. Sugarcoating your article won’t make him a lesser villain or bring empathy.

The Sydney stabbings attacker who killed six people has been named by police Read more 🔗 trib.al/PYTJnie

@petemorristwit A surgery’s receptionists aren’t triage nurses. No qualifications, yet, they decide whether you deserve a >5mins call back from a Dr. Empty waiting rooms. I believe practitioners are moonlighting @ private clinics. If we all contribute £5pcm towards the NHS, wouldn’t that help?!

Absolute circus this morning, that is not even remotely funny. Phoned the doctors this morning to try to get an appointment for Bev with a doctor. Both of us phoned using our mobiles at the same time on the dot of 8:00am. My phone was No13 in the queue and Bev's was No18. At 8:45 my phone got finally got answered. We were told that all the ANP triage appointments had gone, so they couldn't do anything, and it would be best if we dialled 111 and see if they could help. We all know what the result of that would be. "Best go to A&E." We didn't bother. This system is broken beyond fucking repair. So, now we have no idea where to go from here. Try again tomorrow or just die.

@petemorristwit Started calling @ 08:59. Redial & @ 09:00 I was No.56 in line. I was on hold until 09:43, then automated voice announced that all doctors appointments were booked & to try tomorrow. Call enquiry line & told to head to A&E if I was in great pain. My surgery only have locum Dr.

@LozzaFox Evil - worse thing is, they aren’t even in disguise!

It’s happening quicker than you think.

@fesshole Your attempt to destroy somebody’s livelihood / business is contemptible. You must be one scornful individual. Be prepared, as karma will eventually catch up on you - might just happen when you least expect it.

Builders' van badly cut me up then one builder physically assaulted me when I was out cycling. Two years later the company was dissolved and the owner declared bankrupt following a flood of damning online reviews and other misfortunes. Coincidence? I couldn't possibly comment.

@fesshole Oh woman, wake up! Cheating alone should have been a good enough reason to walk away. I may not know you, but I can guarantee that you deserve better than that. It’ll be tough for a while, but you’ll get over it. Chin up!

I genuinely forgave my boyfriend when he cheated on me last Christmas, but I don't think our relationship can survive him giving me a Kinnerton easter egg.

@SkyNews @SiobhanRobbins It’s not a mystery! Stop importing scums from abroad. They are immoral, unethical, ungrateful and most importantly, they are not scared to wipe us all off. Some plead ignorance when committing a crime, others use religion as an excuse to hate us.

🇸🇪 Sweden has a problem: gangs with guns and bombs are unleashing terror on the streets. How has a peaceful European country ended up the gun murder capital of the EU? @SiobhanRobbins has been to find out 🔽

@fesshole The way things are nowadays, soon the classy and elegant women are going to make the WWF list of endangered species.

Drunk, vape in bra, straps down as I was wearing an off the shoulder dress. Made a joke about flashing my date whilst I tried to get my vape. Full bra flipped, tits out. Played it off cool. In reality I'm absolutely mortified.

@fesshole You are so petty and I hope you get wiped off soon! Haven’t you realised yet that you don’t own the bank?! You are just an ordinary teller and your sole job is simply to serve customers.

I work as a cashier in a bank. If you come over to me before I call you over I will deliberately take my time so that the person behind in the queue is served first by a colleague. I don't care if you glare at me. Just because it is clear doesn't mean I'm not busy - bog off

Thoughts and prayers are with all those affected by the collapse of Francis Scott Key Bridge after ship collision. May there be enough time to help rescue individuals still in the water. Best of luck to all rescuers & emergency services #baltimorebridge