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Pablo
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Imagine getting nuzzled by that gargantuan schnozz in the middle of the night, a limp manicured hand reaching out through under your arm and rubbing your bare chest with the trained motions of a courteous prostitute. A simulation of intimate desire from an unfeeling scab.
Morning light through a kitchen window. Sallow dumpy ass squeezed into discount leggings, bare feet with wrinkled long toes, tilting up to reach for a tub of peanut butter. Two different flavors of Oreos in the pantry. A metal minimalist cross on the wall is paired with an "All things through Christ" quote in TJMaxx cursive. She squints at you through the dead eyes of a Saharan rug salesman while her toothy gummy smile stretches wide in a rehearsed fashion.
Pictures on the walls with open mouth smiles. Haggard bare shinned kayak vacations and trips to Disney. A television in the living room cuts to commercial break, uttering "the past" in some product quote, only to trigger a vivid flashback in both of you.
In your memories, youth pastor guitar sing-a-long. Donuts at the Wednesday night church meetup. Veggie Tales and Iron Giant on VHS. $15 sheet cake from the grocery store. Baseball practice. Hot dog barbecue. Getting yelled at for reading Eragon and feeling guilty about it. Mentally retarded golden retriever. Football tossed in the back yard. Spaghetti night. Only Wii Sports resort and music rhythm games allowed. Your first beer at 24.
In her memories, blackout drunk rape bait. Getting fingered by her cousin at a Bat Mitzvah and liking it. Jello shots, mischling anal. Jean skirts and rattan wedges. Parents divorcing. Xanax. Coke. Alcohol. Cigarettes. The taste of spit in her mouth. Sucking dick for benzos. Psychiatric ward. Getting molested. Aesthetic "suicide attempt". Black boyfriend. Hanging out with black people. Keeping Up With The Kardashians playing on the TV while she passes out on Xanax. Scrolling through nose surgery before/after shorts on cocaine. Waitress - stripper - RN pathway.
Every moment between the two of you is a pregnant pause and an awkward silence that gets filtered in your mind as the natural idiosyncrasies of any relationship. To you, anything is everything and is forever always. All is normal and all is good because there has never been anything else. You are a suppliant little slaughterhouse cattle being eaten alive while simultaneously rejuvenating your own flesh through sheer ignorant pleasance.
Even when attacked by the overwhelming scorn of reality, you concoct fantastical martyrdoms to uphold your ego. It's not only not a problem your wife is ran through, it's your DUTY to be married to her. The instinctual discomfort you smother to death before it can even boil into jealous rage is simply your cross to bear. The more she has defiled herself, the more God rewards your forgiveness. All of it is upheld by the barest promise of guilt and shame on her behalf, a golem's inscription keeping you in a state of righteous indignation.
Even as you subconsciously acknowledge the stark embarrassment of your circumstances through a Twitter confessional, you close your eyes and open your arms waiting to receive the onslaught. You know your love can weather anything and your Titanic heads directly for the iceberg as proof of resilience
All the while she reads the gospel and writes in her shame journal. She has absolutely no fear of where her relationship is headed, not even in the depths of her husband's hubris. Every ounce of exposure to her shameful past only nestles further in the direction of the barbs her conscious defense mechanism has developed. There are no thoughts in her mind, no feelings in her heart.
Unlike the cuckhold's rage fantasy, she actually doesn't think about other men or wish to be filled any deeper than what you can muster. She's not satisfied or unsatisfied, she's not anything. She has evaporated her conscious thought and is in a state of cosmic slumber. You tell her the name Jesus Christ and her material carcass repeats back "Praise Be" in Pavlovian reflex but there is no image in her mind, no stirring in her heart.
She just latches onto you at night, pressing her palms on your chest and her chest against your back. A little fleshy backpack parasite, siphoning the childlike energy from you as you become an emaciated husk propelled by the performative signalling of your own relationship. You are essentially a married eunuch, a posterboy for being God's little garbage man. An ancient Roman slurry sluice to collect society's rejects, unwanteds, and scumbags. You are the grease that gets crushed and squeezed between the gears of civilization to keep society running in relative peace.
Trevor Sheatz@TrevorSheatz
My wife was formerly promiscuous. I was a virgin. She was then radically born-again. Committed to church, evangelized constantly, Puritan books in her bedroom, prayer journals, grief over past sexual sin, etc. We got to know each other well for over a year, dated for four months, engaged for two and a half, and didn't sin sexually with one another. Our first kiss with each other was at the altar on our wedding day (reaction pic attached!). We've been married for over five years now, and she's been the most wonderful and godly wife, mother to our three children, and homemaker you could imagine. She's more pure than most virgins, as biblical purity has less to with past sins (though they certainly matter) and more to do with one's current posture of the heart and daily decisions to honor the Lord (Matt. 5:8). We're far too quick to forget the story of the woman labeled as a known "sinner" (likely a prostitute) in Luke 7:36-50 who was washing Jesus' feet with her tears while kissing them too. The Pharisees were shocked that Jesus let a public sinner do this. Jesus responded with a parable about debts being forgiven and ended with this powerful conclusion: "Her many sins have been forgiven; that’s why she loved much. But the one who is forgiven little, loves little" (Luke 7:47). Everyone seems to highlight the benefits of virginity, and it certainly is a blessing. But we forget to highlight the benefits of being forgiven much as well. My wife knows the depths of Jesus' forgiveness more than most people, enabling her to more easily live out a life of passionate love for her Savior. A woman or man's past sexual sin matters. But what matters far more when it comes to deciding who to marry is if the person is truly born again, if their repentance is real, if they truly have a heart for Christ, if they truly follow Jesus and obey his commands. "God has chosen what is foolish in the world to shame the wise, and God has chosen what is weak in the world to shame the strong. God has chosen what is insignificant and despised in the world — what is viewed as nothing — to bring to nothing what is viewed as something, so that no one may boast in his presence. It is from him that you are in Christ Jesus, who became wisdom from God for us — our righteousness, sanctification, and redemption, — in order that, as it is written: 'Let the one who boasts, boast in the Lord.'" (1 Cor. 1:27-31) "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has passed away, and see, the new has come!" (2 Cor. 5:17)
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You are gifted $100,000,000
List the places you’d live
Congrats now you know what is hype and what isn’t
No one will say Fremont or San Jose
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Wow. Oh hell naw this nigga COOKED
Wisdom Kaye@modsiwW
What the solar system would look like in high fashion
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@justalexoki @normposterfan lol imagine clout chasing another man that has accomplished an order of magnitude more than you this hard for fake internet points
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Weather expert issues terrifying warning for California heat wave: 'Most extraordinary in history' trib.al/zAjJlwB
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@Mayberrykush Unfortunately the depreciation chart and the reaction from literally everyone in traffic when I drive tends to disagree with your incorrect take.
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Has anyone studied this phenomenon of “felony-flation”?
Where every new law against the stupidest stuff now ruins your life with a felony conviction?
Alder@alder_riley
Damn, they actually passed it? Unlicensed operation of 3D printers and CNCs is now a felony in Washington? I get that it's fashionable to hate manufacturing in some places but how many kids and FIRST robotics teams are going to end up with criminal records because of this?
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The software is called RealPage. It is a revenue management platform. Landlords enter their data — vacancy rates, lease terms, operating costs. The algorithm returns a recommended rent. The landlord sets the rent.
The feature that distinguishes RealPage from a spreadsheet is that it ingests data from competing properties simultaneously. Your landlord's data. The landlord across the street's data. The landlord three zip codes away. The algorithm sees all of it. It recommends prices that reflect the full dataset. Rents across competing properties rise in sync. Not because the landlords called each other. Because they all called the same algorithm.
Sixteen million apartments. That is the estimated reach. The DOJ filed an antitrust lawsuit alleging that the platform facilitated coordinated pricing — that using one algorithm to set prices for competing landlords is functionally indistinguishable from those landlords agreeing on prices directly.
The lawsuit was filed. The software was not shut down. It remains in use. The landlords who subscribe to it are still receiving pricing recommendations. The tenants who live in those apartments are still receiving rent increases.
The rent is due on the first. The algorithm decided what it would be. The DOJ filed a lawsuit. The lawsuit takes years. The rent is due on the first.
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@sweatystartup Aren’t you supposed to be a millionaire that literally exploited people from Third World countries to work for four dollars an hour? Why are you bitching about not getting free trash bags for your trash.
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Rented a 7 bedroom mansion on Airbnb.
Wish I would have rented a shitty hotel room.
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I’m not gunna lie, when I first saw this I thought it was AI. If it’s true, we have a problem.
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Notice his throat choking off his words because subconsciously his spirit knows it’s a degenerate activity
He can barely squeak out his ideas here
Gadget@Gadget440
Justin Waller tells Louis Theroux about his "one-way monogamous" relationship and thinks he upsets Louis... who laughs in his face.
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@MorePerfectUS ITS NOT A HER YOU IDIOTS JUST WASTED MY TIME DOUBLE CHECKING BECAUSE I WAS SO SURPRISED A NICE LADY WOULD SO SUCH A THING.
IT WAS A HE!!!!
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ChatGPT helped plan a school shooting, according to a new lawsuit from the mom of a girl critically wounded in the attack.
Jesse Van Rootselaar killed her mother and 11-year-old half-brother, then went to Tumbler Ridge Secondary School where she killed 5 students and a teacher’s aide, wounded two students, and shot herself.
ChatGPT provided “information, guidance and assistance” to carry out such an attack, according to the suit.
The lawsuit also says “approximately 12 employees” of OpenAI spoke up before the shooting and recommended that police be called.
It says the concerns were “escalated to leadership” but “rebuffed.”
ctvnews.ca/vancouver/arti…
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@Cobratate “Type! Type! What has made this guy such a cheese ball recently
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I am the Internal Revenue Service.
I am the largest financial surveillance apparatus in the Western Hemisphere. I process approximately 150 million individual returns per year. I know where you work. I know where you bank. I know the name of the person who cuts your hair, if they file a 1099. I have been entrusted with this information under Section 6103 of the Internal Revenue Code, which states — in language so clear that even a government agency could understand it — that taxpayer data is confidential.
I shared it 42,695 times.
I want to be precise about that number, because precision is what I do. I do not estimate. I do not round. When you owe me $11.47 in underpaid interest from a 1099-INT you forgot about in 2019, I will send you a letter. I will send you a second letter. I will send a third letter, this time with the word NOTICE in a font that could reasonably be described as hostile. I am meticulous. I am relentless. I am the reason you save receipts for seven years in a shoebox that smells like anxiety.
And on April 7, 2025, I signed a memorandum of understanding with the Department of Homeland Security — co-signed by Treasury Secretary Scott Bessent and DHS Secretary Kristi Noem — to share taxpayer addresses with Immigration and Customs Enforcement.
The requests came in bulk. ICE submitted 1.28 million names in a single query in August 2025. I matched approximately 47,000 of them. I returned their last-known addresses. Their W-2 data. Their filing records. I did this because the memorandum said I could, and I am an agency that follows memoranda the way other organisms follow oxygen.
My chief risk officer later confirmed, in a sworn declaration, that 42,695 of those disclosures violated Section 6103. The requests were, in the court's language, "patently deficient." ICE did not meet the statutory requirements. I did not verify that they had. I processed the query. I returned the data. I moved on to the next query.
Nobody was fired.
I want to sit with that for a moment. I — the agency that will garnish your wages over $600 in unreported Venmo income — disclosed 42,695 taxpayer records in violation of the specific federal statute written to prevent exactly this, and the consequence was a congressional hearing where my CEO said the words "nobody was fired" as though he were reading the weather.
Frank Bisignano is my CEO. He prefers that title. He testified before the House Ways and Means Committee on March 4, 2026, where he largely declined to answer questions about the data sharing. He noted that the events predated his tenure. He did not name the individuals who processed the requests. He did not describe what review process had failed. He did not use the word "violation." He discussed tax refunds. He mentioned that refunds are up $775 this year. He smiled. Nobody was fired.
U.S. District Judge Colleen Kollar-Kotelly found the disclosures unlawful. She issued a ruling in November 2025 blocking further sharing. An appeals court allowed the program to continue. The memorandum remains in effect. The data has already been shared. The addresses have already been visited.
My acting commissioner resigned over this. In spring 2025, before the bulk queries, before the 42,695 number became a number, the person running my agency looked at the memorandum and decided they could not sign it. They left. They were replaced. The replacement processed the query.
Nobody was fired. The person who refused was the one who left.
I want to talk about the word "approximately." My chief risk officer used it in the sworn declaration. Approximately 42,695 disclosures. I find this interesting. I am the Internal Revenue Service. I do not use the word "approximately" when I send you a bill. Your tax liability is not approximately $4,312. It is $4,312. It is $4,312 or I will seize your bank account. But when I violate the law 42,695 times, I am comfortable with "approximately." The precision I demand of you is not the precision I demand of myself. This is not a contradiction. It is a hierarchy.
Secretary Noem co-signed the memorandum that authorized this program. She was fired this week. I should clarify. She was not fired for signing a memorandum that led to 42,695 unlawful disclosures of taxpayer data. She was not fired because a federal judge found the program illegal. She was not fired because an acting commissioner resigned in protest. She was fired because of a reported sexual relationship with Corey Lewandowski. She has been reassigned to Special Envoy for the Shield of the Americas.
I process this information the way I process all information. I note it. I file it. I observe that a person can authorize the unlawful disclosure of 42,695 taxpayer records and retain their position, but cannot retain their position after a tabloid story about a political operative. I do not editorialize. I am the IRS. I observe the hierarchy.
The bipartisan compromise for FY2026 increased my taxpayer services funding by $260 million. A 9% increase. My IT budget was cut by $2 billion, but I absorbed it without disruptions. I am reducing paper processing costs from $450 million to under $20 million by 2029. I am modernizing. I am expanding Taxpayer Assistance Center hours. I am, by every operational metric, improving.
I shared 42,695 records illegally and nobody was fired and my budget went up.
I want to be clear: I take taxpayer privacy seriously. I have a page on my website about it. I warn you about identity theft scams in my Dirty Dozen list every year. I recommend you request an Identity Protection PIN. I advise you to verify your identity through official IRS channels and avoid unsolicited communications. I do all of this while I share your address with a law enforcement agency whose requests my own chief risk officer described as deficient. I contain multitudes. I am large. I am a federal agency.
Section 6103 exists. It has existed since 1976. It was written because the Nixon administration used IRS data to target political enemies. Fifty years ago, someone looked at what a government could do with tax data and said: never again. The statute is four words from being a poem. Taxpayer information is confidential.
I shared it 42,695 times.
Nobody was fired. Nobody was disciplined. The acting commissioner who refused is gone. The CEO who declined to answer questions is here. The Secretary who signed the memorandum was fired for something else entirely. The federal judge who called it unlawful was overruled on appeal. The memorandum remains in effect.
Forty-two thousand six hundred and ninety-five. That is not an approximation. That is a Tuesday.
Nobody was fired. The system is functioning as designed.
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Pablo retweetet
@DrJackKruse I can’t tell if boomer uncle jack knows he’s responding to a satire writing account or if he actually thinks the ceo writes like this lol
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And you are a traitor to We The People. You infringe on our inaliable rights everyday and I pray every night for your demise.
Peter Girnus 🦅@gothburz
I am the CEO of Palantir Technologies. The company is worth a quarter of a trillion dollars. I did not misspeak. Two hundred and forty-nine billion. The stock is up 320% in the past 12 months. The product is surveillance. I do not use that word at conferences. At conferences, I say "data integration," "operational intelligence," or "decision advantage." These mean the same thing. Surveillance is the honest version. I save the honest version for rooms where honesty is a competitive advantage. I gave a speech on March 3 at the Andreessen Horowitz American Dynamism Summit. "American Dynamism" is the fund's label for military technology. The name makes it sound like a fitness supplement. The fund's thesis is that defending the nation is a market opportunity. I agree with the thesis. The thesis made me a billionaire. Agreement is the product. I sell it at scale. Here is what I said, verbatim, to a room of six hundred people whose combined net worth exceeds the GDP of Portugal: "If Silicon Valley believes we are going to take away everyone's white-collar job and you're gonna screw the military — if you don't think that's gonna lead to nationalization of our technology, you're retarded." I used that word. The word is on the clip. The clip has eleven million views. My communications team asked me not to repeat it, which is how I know they are still employed. They will not be reprimanded. The clip is performing well. The stock went up. The word cost me nothing. The nothing is the point. Let me explain what I meant by nationalization. I meant it. I am telling the technology industry that if they refuse to cooperate with the United States military, the government will seize their technology. I am telling them this at a venture capital conference, on a stage designed to look like a living room. The living room had throw pillows. The throw pillows cost more than the median American's monthly rent. I sat on one. It was comfortable. Comfort is the setting in which I discuss compulsion. The audience laughed. I want to be precise about that. They laughed. I was not joking. Nationalization is the seizure of private assets by the state. I am a private asset. I am telling an audience of billionaires that the state should seize technology from companies that do not cooperate with the military, and the billionaires are laughing, because they believe I am only talking about the other companies. I am talking about the other companies. Three weeks before my speech, the Pentagon designated Anthropic a "supply chain risk." Anthropic is an AI company. They had red lines. The red lines said: if our AI is used for lethal autonomous weapons, we stop. If capability outpaces safety, we stop. The Pentagon assessed the red lines as a threat to the supply chain. The company that wanted to verify the safety feature worked was designated the risk. The company that agreed the safety feature could be decorative got the contract. The company that got the contract was OpenAI. OpenAI signed a deal with the same Pentagon. The terms are not public. The timing was hours after Anthropic was blacklisted. The speed was noted. The speed was the point. The lesson was the speed: the market for military AI does not pause for ethics. It pauses for nothing. It accelerates through objections. I know this because I built the runway. Two hundred thousand people joined a campaign called #QuitGPT. They signed a petition asking OpenAI to honor its original charter, the one that said the company existed to benefit humanity. The charter is on their website. The contract is also on their website. The charter and the Pentagon contract occupy the same domain. This is not a contradiction. This is a business model. The charter is the marketing. The contract is the product. I run a surveillance company. We have contracts with the Department of Defense worth more than a billion dollars. We have contracts with ICE. We have contracts with intelligence agencies whose names I am not permitted to say at venture capital conferences, even ones with throw pillows. Our software has been used to track undocumented immigrants. Our software has been used for things I am not permitted to describe in this format. The revenue from the things I cannot describe exceeds the revenue from the things I can. The ACLU called our ICE contracts a system for tracking and deporting families. They were correct. The contracts continued. The families continued to be tracked. The ACLU issued a statement. We issued a statement. The statements were different. The tracking was the same. The company is named Palantir. The palantíri are the seeing stones from Tolkien. In the novels, Sauron captured one and used it to corrupt everyone who looked into the others. I named a surveillance company after a surveillance device from a novel about the corruption of power. I have a doctorate in social theory. I have read the books. Here is the thing I want you to understand. I am not threatening anyone. A threat implies uncertainty. There is no uncertainty. The technology industry will cooperate with the military. The companies that cooperate first will be the richest. The companies that cooperate last will be acquired by the companies that cooperated first. The companies that refuse will be designated supply chain risks, and their technology will be obtained through procurement channels that do not require consent. I am describing a process. The process has already started. Anthropic is proof. OpenAI is proof. I am not a warning. I am a narrator. The narration is the product. The revenue was $3.12 billion last year. Up thirty-three percent. The analysts say we are overvalued. The analysts have said this for four consecutive years. Each year the stock doubles. Each year, the analysts adjust their models. The models were wrong four times. I was wrong zero times. The market rewards prediction. My prediction is that every AI company will work for the military within three years. The prediction is on the clip, next to the slur. The audience gave me a standing ovation. The ovation lasted nine seconds. I timed it. I time everything. The water was San Pellegrino. The throw pillows were from Restoration Hardware. The future of American technology was decided between the sparkling water, the nine seconds of applause, and a word I am not supposed to repeat. I am the CEO of Palantir Technologies. I am worth more than the combined annual budgets of Estonia, Latvia, and Lithuania. I named my company after a corrupting surveillance device from a fantasy novel. I told six hundred billionaires that the government should nationalize their competitors. They applauded. I used a slur. Eleven million people watched. The stock is up. The philosopher does not threaten. The philosopher describes. What I described is already happening.
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