Alan Johnson

@Jarritos I’ve never had Jarritos, so sure.. I’d be open for a free soda.

Anyone need some free soda to unwind from tax season?

@mariaxxnn File for divorce. I won’t reward her with my time and devotion, when she tripped and fell on another man’s dick; rhythmically.

MEN: your wife got pregnant by another man by mistake. as a good husband, what will you do?

@MbarkCherguia I can smell her and she stank.

Why does Jennifer Lopez feel the need to dress half-naked on stage?

@MayorOfSnark @DomainTraderBTC @TMZ lol, no.. I work in the business and it’s not $85,000. But go ahead, believe everything you see online.

@HotLDSRM @DomainTraderBTC @TMZ Wrong, they're 85k

Aaron Carter's Mom Launches GoFundMe to Get Him Walk of Fame Star tmz.me/rBh7cl8

@TMZ It doesn’t cost $85,000. It’s right around $30,000. Sounds like she’s grifting the rest.

@IAmLilRico He came and he went.

Well Damn…😭💀

@dom_lucre He is a human dildo.

What does Oprah’s boyfriend do?

@FoodPleaser Nah, eating kitty isn’t something I want to be good at.

Would you eat Calamari?

@DiscussingFish “Must accept it” lol, looks like @sagaftra needs to rethink things if computers are taking human jobs..

Disney CEO Josh D'Amaro has confirmed that "The Majority" of the Visual Effects in 'AVENGERS: DOOMSDAY' will be "AI-Powered." "This is a necessary step. Audiences must accept it." (Source: forbes.com/sites/robsalko…)

@AdrianneCurry You were funnier when you were married to a Brady. Now you’re married to a simp, who you peg often to keep the marriage alive. Good thing the people in Whitefish, Montana don’t know about your bedroom habits.

The antichrist will be loved and adored world wide. Is that Trump, to you? Lol

@stelzner_n1150 The sooner she ends up on OnlyFans, the better we will all be.

If Erika Kirk stepped down as CEO of Turning Point to focus on being a mom, it would do wonders for her image.

@SpinninBackfist Oh look an angry female ogre.

Ronda Rousey goes off at the press conference

@SSB_Rick Magnesium Gummies are good for anxiety, that and (not trying to be weird) but my doc recommended blowing a load.

My name is Chris and I’m an alcoholic. Today marks 32 days of sobriety. I’m also going back to work after my weekend stay in the hospital. I’m seeing people recommend thc gummies are a cart to help with anxiety, what do yall think? Is that really a good idea?

@johuuuuny I did three times yesterday. Totally worth it.

i wanna nut in someone’s son

@allenanalysis The Pope is just an idol, a human being doing what others are; interpreting the word of God. The Pope doesn’t reflect Christians, just Catholics. There is a difference.

BREAKING: JD Vance just told the Pope to be careful when opining on theology. The Pope. The head of the Catholic Church. The Bishop of Rome. The man whose institution has been the authority on Christian theology for two thousand years. JD Vance — who converted to Catholicism in 2019 — is telling the Pope to be careful about theology.

@omgjulissaa Yes, but it was easier when I was 16. Big cum ropes, lots of eager tits.. but after 30, it takes longer to get there and the tits aren’t plentiful.

Can men cum from titty fucking?

@Aliceshaw25 Nope. I voted for him twice. That was enough.

IF BARACK OBAMA COULD RUN AGAIN IN 2028, WOULD YOU VOTE FOR HIM.

@ElectionTime_ lol, you guys will fabricate anything for engagement. @ChadBianco is the next governor.

🚨SHOCK POLL: 🟥Steve Hilton leads every Democrat in the crowded field for 2026 California Governor Election, with 25% support. California - 2026 Governor - Open Primary 🟥Steve Hilton 25% (+9) 🟦Tom Steyer 16% 🟦Katie Porter 14% 🟦Matt Mahan 8% Impact Research (🟦Mahan Internal) | April, 2026

@aust1nday What in the DEI is this about?