Stephen Swartz, fiction author 2.0

A fair wager nobody else has a ribald comedy set in future-medieval Missouri to entertain you during this holiday season! Get yours here: mybook.to/fOAbh

@TheOfficialJOTS "Write the story you want to read."😁

Someone recently asserted that writers today don't enjoy reading their own manuscripts ???? Like buddy you don't speak for me I've always enjoyed reading my works, it's an adventure I read parts aloud and act out scenes too cause I love what I do

@MaudlinHouse Why a dive bar? Why not a book club?🤔

If your book doesn't feel like it could start a fight in a dive bar, is it even worth printing?

@stephenRB4 I don't plan to but I often do.

Do you buy a novel at the airport before a plane journey? 📚

@bustanutkeaton Romantasy should never be bound in leather.🤔

There used to be a format that solved this problem called mass market paperback but now everyone wants their romantasy in 15 lb faux leather hardback with rainbow holographic gilt edges

And then the reviews started.... (See pinned for link.)

@jflWrites @ThomasPSulliva2 All right (Allowance made for dialogue: "awright", etc.)

@ThomasPSulliva2 @StephenSwartz1 all right, all-right, allright, or alright?

Why do we stick the apostrophe of omission between the N and T in words like... - didn't, - wouldn't, & - don't? In my opinion, the apostrophe should come after the first word/prefix where we omit the space, so you see the separation. - did'nt - would'nt, & - do'nt

Mood.

@askaya How much character does it take to be considered full?🤔

Facts. As a Russian, I can attest to this.

@redsaid1 It was right there.😎

@StephenSwartz1 This is great, Stephen!

You step in the stream But the #water has moved on And now so must you #vss365 #haiku #senryu #blastfromthepast

@redsaid1 Mind the addiction.

@StephenSwartz1 Ha, this resonates with me, especially now that I'm hosting. I'm SO scared to miss anything!

I understand the need to post and repost every few minutes because the timestream on Twitter is like #water flowing down to the sea, and we never can halt it or go back to a floating leaf we might have wanted to read before it is swept away forever. #vss365 #blastfromthepast

@Daisy_660 I actually prefer the ones with a head and legs.🤔

Men, which shape do you like??

Up they go so far Around they go far above Down they come! So fun! 12th April #短歌記念日 #宇宙をテーマに短歌を作ろう #InternationalDayofHumanSpaceFlight #HumanSpaceFlight #SpaceFlightDay #haiku

@askaya This one obviously chose the bear rather than the man.🤣 USA. English. 🐻

Hello my international friends, I am a Russian-American. Born in Russia, currently living in the United States. Nice to meet you! Where are you from? What language are you seeing this in? p.s. this is my Russian friend Misha

#vss365 “The first deer we’ve seen all day and it darts away,” said Nicky. “It’s the heat, sir. Drives them deeper into the woods, into the shade,” said his squire, Kurt. Nicky wiped his brow, grinning. “It’s fair chase. Today they win. Tomorrow we shall try once more. Jillian wishes a fine hide for her chamber floor.” “Lord Terren has many hides, sir. He spoke of it, you could take one or more, as you like. The deer are thick in the fall.” “No, Kurt, I must bring one of my own kill. Then I may name it as mine.” He gazed at the tired man, amused, then bid him sit and rest. “My cousin means well, certainly.” Kurt handed over the #water bag and Nicky drank fully, handed it back to him. “Go on, drink,” commanded the Prince. “But, sir, this is your #water, M'Lord.” “Water’s #water. Drink. You’re about to burn away, too. You may drink after me. Go on.” The squire carefully wiped the spout before putting his lips to it, drank a few short swallows, then wiped the spout again. -from A TIME OF KINGS (medieval epic of America in 3030, coming in 2026)

@FightWithMemes I can already do British.😎

You're forced to take a pill that gives you a mental illness, but makes you immune to all others. Which one you taking?

“Advice to the English Department” by Joseph S. Salemi

@playinglesshurt 💯

Good morning. This is why I teach music. It helps comfort us when we need it and whether we celebrate or commemorate, music enhances those moments. #music

#vss365 “My name is fair. I don’t mind it.” Her smile was strange, unlike when they’d first entered the office. “What’s yours?” “Stan.” He forced a smile when she didn’t seem to like the name. “That’s short for Stanley.” “I like Stanley. Suits you better than Stan.” Then she grinned in a new, bolder way. “You’re a large fellow. You need a large name.” “Yes, I think so.” He liked her, wanted to know more. “My poor brother – and folks that know me – they call me Stank. Because of the K of my middle name. It’s Kirk.” “You have a middle name?” Her smile spread wider. “You must be some kind of royal.” “We once was.” He hoped he didn’t look like he was lying. “Well, it was long ago. After the plague but before the new capital. One of my kin was the vice-president in the old capital. It’s written so you know it’s true. And my mother recounts it. A long story.” He noticed how she’d sidled up to him, gazing up at his face and he wished he’d trimmed back his scraggily beard. “Mine is a long story, too,” she said, her voice hazy. Hearing her voice soften pleased him. “Do you like long stories? I do. The longer the better. How long’s yours?” “Will you tell it to me?” Stank asked too innocently, feeling her warm breath before his face. “You wish to hear it?” she asked, leaning in. Stank gave a curt nod. “I do.” “Father is away,” she said, her tone different. “He is past due. I can tell you a story while we wait. The long one, if that interests you.” She blinked. “First, you should clean yourself. There’s a basin in the back room. You have time for a bath.” “A bath?” That surprised him. He expected something else. She smiled at him, daring to show her teeth, still white and even as a saw blade. That pleased him. “You do want a hot bath, don’t you? To wash off the trail?” “I’m used to it,” he said quickly, then stopped to think. “I’m not used to it,” she said, feigning revulsion. “I shall help you bathe. I’m good at it. It’s what we call #water therapy.” “Oh?” Then, catching on to her wiles, he stammered: “Why, yes. Yes, I do. A bit of #water therapy would be good.” “I knew you were a royal,” she said cheerily. He chuckled, feeling flattered. “I’m game for a dunking.” He had to stare into her eyes. “One thing: Will there be soap?” “Soap is the magic potion.” Her eyes brightened, held his gaze. “It makes everything slide together easy. You want everything to slide easy, do you not?” “Easy is a good thing, I think.” “It is.” “Unless you crave something hard.” “That is my wish, Sir Stanley.” -from THE WARRIORS BAUMANN (ribald comedy set in medieval Missouri of 2353, out now; see pinned)

#vss365 Bart went to the horse, the animal acting shy, and he spoke to it, calming the animal, putting his hand to her nose, patting withers until the horse expelled a loud breath and relaxed. “Where’d you get her?” he asked. “No need to know,” said Trinity. “Rider’s dead, so she’s yers.” He glared at the older sister. Did she mean she shot the rider? Or found the horse abandoned? He dared not question her; he’d found her limits during his year of living with them. He turned to Trina, returning from her tent. “Din’t see nothin’,” she said to his look. He just nodded and walked the horse around the camp. “I’ll call her Betty.” “Betty? What a fool name,” Triss snickered. “My mama had a horse named Betty,” he said. The horse came with a saddle, left when the rider dismounted for the last time. He saw engraved letters on the saddle: H.B. – the owner, he suspected. He mounted the horse, took her for a short ride away from the camp, down the trail to some open land, then back to camp. “She’s easy,” he called to the sisters. “Easier ’an this one?” laughed Triss with a nod to Trina. “Now get on with yer chores,” Trinity commanded. Typical morning was Bart getting up in the cold and coaxing the fire to spark up, then preparing something to eat, heating #water for the coffee. He’d scoop out the beans from a bag stolen from one town or another, pour the beans into a grinder left from the girls’ camp long ago, and turn the handle until his arm got tired. Then he’d add the grounds to the hot #water in the pot, stir it all up. He poured the mixture through one of their rags, keeping the grounds for another time. When three cups were ready he’d call the women. -from THE GRANDSONS (apocalyptic Western, 2025)