𝘏𝘰𝘸 𝘛𝘰 𝘈𝘤𝘤𝘦𝘱𝘵 𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘙𝘦𝘣𝘢𝘳 𝘙𝘰𝘥 𝘛𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘞𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘒𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘐𝘯 16 𝘠𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘴 It's inevitable that you will be impaled by a rod of rebar on May 27th, 2042, killing you within minutes. Here's how you can face, and even embrace, that moment with dignity

@evilvillain1231 this is such an Onion bit

@evilvillain1231 no way jose when I was 14 the Machine told me I would die underwater

@evilvillain1231 Until proof the of contrary, I can only simply imagine that this is a fact.

@evilvillain1231 Lookalike event downtown, I’ll judge everyone’s impaled-by-rebar costumes as I bleed out, smiles all around

@evilvillain1231 Hopefully this reaches enough people that it becomes true for at least one person

@evilvillain1231 Shoulda added 🧵at the end

@evilvillain1231 It won't just be painful—it'll make you doubt all the decisions you've made in your life.

@evilvillain1231 So the writers scrapped the “fatal colon cancer shortly after I turn 38” plotline?

@evilvillain1231 @swan2swan87 where are the instructions please I need this

@evilvillain1231 @verdant_gel

@evilvillain1231 Come on come oooon don't leave me hanging here

@evilvillain1231 Lol, dumbass I die after a car wreck involving an 18wheeler.

@evilvillain1231 WELL?! HOW!

@evilvillain1231 What G-Man told to that one combine soldier that was on the bilboard in HL2