Kevin

It used to be that places would give you free stuff on your birthday without having to register it in their app at least 6 months prior

The spider living behind my toilet is actually really chill

I’ve already muscle-memory opened TikTok. I’m cooked

2026’s gonna be my year for sure

My girlfriend googling “what is imax” right before we see Wicked

I just told a joke so unfunny I had to tell people my four year old nephew came up with it

@daleybean If only the people could see the face you were making at me

Best thing to hear at the end of a FaceTime call with your boyfriend is “you’re freaking me out” *hangs up*

Last night was a clinical trial

I hit the “no tip” button so fast that sometimes the machine doesn’t load and I get to press it again

Coffee makes me want to watch Grey’s Anatomy, which is surely unrelated to the Grey’s Anatomy nightmares I’ve been having

Just saw a ladder literally fall off the truck

My girlfriend won $1000 from the Knights of Columbus and all I got was this lousy t-shirt

@daleybean In my dream in was “Shinda Rhimes” and she was playing Miranda Bailey’s daughter”

First thing out of my boyfriend’s mouth when I woke him up was “how old is Shonda Rhimes?”

Chris Pratt played one of the characters in my nap dream

Rabbit more like rablit

Asked for a large fry and the guy gave me a bunch of small ones

@daleybean Congratulations! That’s mindfulness, you did it!

I just had a raspberry so good that I had to stop what I was doing and take a moment to think and appreciate it

My girlfriend doesn’t even care that my glasses are askew

Born to yap, forced to lock in

It’s Gojover :(