Kane Williamson

We stood in a field for 8 hours while someone counted our numbers but we had the same number so we had another go but we still had the same number so they opened the number book and picked an arbitrary number so we could stop standing in a field

How many caps could Kane’s cap cap if Kane’s cap could cap caps?

I know I scored a ‘century’ today which is ‘good’ but actually Kyle Jamieson has a higher batting average than me so can you all please talk about him instead

Oh heck, darn and gosh. I am so sorry and this will not be happening again

@sillymidoff Happy birthday, birthday buddy!

Happiest of Happy Birthdays to you @NotNossy 🎈🎁

Excuse me there’s only one Incredibles character Ben Stokes looks like

@jaynefrances63 @Arey_Yaar Best plot twist would be if I ran the TMS account too

@Arey_Yaar @NotNossy Even better if they tagged him (or her) knowing that it's not Kane. I do often say that @NotNossy is more Kane than Kane himself would be on Twitter. 😁

*me logging onto twitter bleary-eyed after several months* oh god please not praise, I don’t even bat four, what am I doing here

Brb just beating the number one test team by 10 wickets

@lilyffranklin13 Kanes can have little a net session, as a treat

@NotNossy Ross Taylor’s can have little a runouts, as a treat.

For Ross’ 100th test I might let him run me out, as a treat

Please, if you see me limping slightly don't ask about it, I have RSI (Repetitive SuperOvers Injury) and you just make it worse when you ask

I do not condone violence but also I am not captain today so fuck em up Wags

Err in the same vein I have also watched us lose wickets from all the above locations so I’m done with that too thanks team. I have enough data now so please stop losing wickets

I have conducted extensive research and can conclude that watching Aussie centuries sucks from all three locations of field, hotel room, and sideline. This experiment is now complete and I look forward to watching no more Aussie centuries

@Jenoli42 Apologies, my software engineers are off on their Christmas break but they’ll get straight on this when they’re back

Our faces at #MCGSoBig when you played that v uncharacteristic shot on *9* & got out (compared to us on Day 1), @NotNossy Pls upgrade your software immediately. You should also download new antivirus as the Aussies may have hacked yours. #backtheblackcaps #AUSvNZ #BoxingDayTest

Ok I have almost finished the walk back to the pavilion after getting out last night and a number of batsmen have passed me on the way. I can’t see the scoreboard from here so I’m gonna assume they’re off to the nets. #MCGsobig

🎶 I need a spiiinner I’m holding out for a spinner til the end of the niiiight He’s gotta be fast and he’s gotta be strong And his figures have got to be tight 🎶

Is this what they mean by ‘conclusive evidence’

Neil just finished his over and asked me if he can bowl from the other end too. Classic Neil but I don't think that's technically allowed, buddy