Sproffee

This is a beautiful letter from Fiona Apple explaining to her fans why she must postpone a concert date. I am impressed at the way she was instantly able to make the decision to choose love over her career. Indeed, the world needs more of this. Enjoy the story... “It's 6pm on Friday, and I'm writing to a few thousand friends I have not met yet. I'm writing to ask them to change our plans and meet a little while later. Here's the thing. I have a dog, Janet, and she's been ill for about 2 years now, as a tumor has been idling in her chest, growing ever so slowly. She's almost 14 years old now. I got her when she was 4 months old. I was 21 then — an adult, officially — and she was my kid. She is a pitbull, and was found in Echo Park, with a rope around her neck, and bites all over her ears and face. She was the one the dogfighters use to puff up the confidence of the contenders. She's almost 14 and I've never seen her start a fight, or bite, or even growl, so I can understand why they chose her for that awful role. She's a pacifist. Janet has been the most consistent relationship of my adult life, and that is just a fact. We've lived in numerous houses, and joined a few makeshift families, but it's always really been just the two of us. She slept in bed with me, her head on the pillow, and she accepted my hysterical, tearful face into her chest, with her paws around me, every time I was heartbroken, or spirit-broken, or just lost, and as years went by, she let me take the role of her child, as I fell asleep, with her chin resting above my head. She was under the piano when I wrote songs, barked any time I tried to record anything, and she was in the studio with me, all the time we recorded the last album. The last time I came back from tour, she was spry as ever, and she's used to me being gone for a few weeks, every 6 or 7 years. She has Addison's Disease, which makes it more dangerous for her to travel, since she needs regular injections of Cortisol, because she reacts to stress and excitement without the physiological tools which keep most of us from literally panicking to death. Despite all this, she's effortlessly joyful & playful, and only stopped acting like a puppy about 3 years ago. She is my best friend, and my mother, and my daughter, my benefactor, and she's the one who taught me what love is. I can't come to South America. Not now. When I got back from the last leg of the US tour, there was a big, big difference. She doesn't even want to go for walks anymore. I know that she's not sad about aging or dying. Animals have a survival instinct, but a sense of mortality and vanity, they do not. That's why they are so much more present than people. But I know she is coming close to the time where she will stop being a dog, and start instead to be part of everything. She'll be in the wind, and in the soil, and the snow, and in me, wherever I go. I just can't leave her now, please understand. If I go away again, I'm afraid she'll die and I won't have the honor of singing her to sleep, of escorting her out. Sometimes it takes me 20 minutes just to decide what socks to wear to bed. But this decision is instant. These are the choices we make, which define us. I will not be the woman who puts her career ahead of love & friendship. I am the woman who stays home, baking Tilapia for my dearest, oldest friend. And helps her be comfortable and comforted and safe and important. I need to do my damnedest, to be there for that. Because it will be the most beautiful, the most intense, the most enriching experience of life I've ever known. When she dies. So I am staying home, and I am listening to her snore and wheeze, and I am revelling in the swampiest, most awful breath that ever emanated from an angel. And I'm asking for your blessing. I'll be seeing you. Love, Fiona”

HARD pass.

@MerriamWebster I first came across the terms optimist & pessimist from a book when I was a kid, and I figured out what they meant by context clues. Unfortunately, I didn't know that the characters were using the terms sarcastically. So for an embarrassingly long time I had the meanings flipped.

What's a word that does NOT mean what you first thought it meant? We've all been there.

As a parent I’m not worried that my 9 and 13 year olds are going to be “indoctrinated” with “wokeness” at school. I’m not worried that they’re going to ‘feel guilty about their whiteness’ because they’re learning accurate history. I’m not worried that they’re going to be “groomed” to become furries and to make their pees pees in litter boxes. Those things aren’t real. Wanna know what is real? My worry that they’re going to get shot. That someone with an AR-15 is going to go into their school and shoot them. So, while the same gun fetishizing, AR-15 lapel pin wearing, locked and loaded family Christmas card posing Republicans fear monger & manufacture crises under the guise of “parents rights”, I say this: It is my right as a parent to send my kids to school without worrying that they will get shot. It ain’t the drag queens, the African American history, the books with two moms or two seahorse dads which threaten our kids. It’s the fucking guns.

@p_a_mcg I mean, StrongBad and the Cheat seems so obvious...

Name a more iconic duo than the Poopsmith and the King of Town

@FunkSloff Woolbuddy Wool Carders Large, Hand Carders for Wool, 2 pcs Needle Felting Tools, Slicker Brush for Dogs, Spinning and Weaving, Carding Brushes for Needle Felting Wool a.co/d/7mMK1ax

@FunkSloff And that top left one is brushes for processing fiber to spin into yarn...

Nice try bees

@TomBasgil I like the black and white better but I feel like the yellow needs to be a little brighter and then it would be perfect.

So, my podcast launches this week…and I have a HUGE question. Which cover do we like better? ⚡️

@kellyhoover27 Thought of you! tiktok.com/t/ZTRsSqw32/

@kellyhoover27 Do you have color changing thread? I feel like if you did the exact same thing with color changing thread it would only enhance the galaxy/swirly vibe.

@BJQuagan @Nothennyfr Women are you still in the same room as me?

Did I write this tweet?!

@KRGoose @clhubes Oh! And being out of breath. Like immediately! Not 38 weeks pregnant, baby in my lungs. Being out of breath was my first symptom with my second before I even took a test.

@KRGoose @clhubes I don't know if this is a common one but I had it had with both kids...I suddenly got really clumsy and dropped EVERYTHING ALL THE TIME.

@KRGoose @LouisatheLast Larisa Oleynik offered me a cigarette when I did an overnight at Sarah Lawrence. I declined.

@LouisatheLast I sat next to one of the Teen Mom stars on a plane once. We made small talk about how unpleasant air travel is. (Your story is better.)

@kellyhoover27 It's a cake topper, but it's cute. a.co/d/i2FQeHm

@kellyhoover27 Remember when we were drunk text buddies and we would text each other hilarious nonsense whenever we got drunk?

@KRGoose I love candy corn. Jeremy buys me a bag every year as soon as he sees it for sale and then judges me all month as I eat it. 😂

Pineapple on pizza Anchovies on pizza Candy corn Lima beans Brussels sprouts Olives Cream cheese and olive sandwiches

@AshleyGWinter Had a math teacher in middle school whose married name was Paige Lepage. Always liked that one.

Do you know anyone with the same first and last name?