Hitting The Trifecta

TW: Gun violence, murder, extreme satire. No one should read this. “We can keep our guns and reduce the randomness and terror of unexpectedly losing our family members. Shooting your own kids is the best, if not only, rational solution.” hittingthetrifecta.com/2018/05/23/gun…

If you get this, you are probably over 50.

@NoContextHumans Chimichanga, Chinese Food, Pizza.

Without Googling, name something USA invented.

@DominionEnergy Perhaps I'll pay my bill in a similar "plausibly deniable" fashion. Oops! Wrong checking account, that one's closed. I'll send you a new one. OOPS! Wrong address. I'll send yet a third one. OOPS!

@DominionEnergy Real master stroke sending me a dead link for your chat, then refusing to send me a new one until after your hard-working chatters go home for the day at 4:59 pm. Just an embarrassing company all around, aren't you?

@DominionEnergy now on my 3rd day of sitting on hold for 1 hr+ each time, getting the runaround. My bill is 2-3x what it should be based on hist. usage. Your staff is useless. I can show literal numbers and they just say "it's summer." No shit. I'm comparing summer to summer.

@DominionEnergy Thanks Mr. Bot. Not very sure that'll help, but I'll try.

I think your business model is essentially (1) present a wrong (high) bill, (2) make the customer fight with an illiterate moron to no avail, (3) recognize we have no choice in electric service and (4) collect our payments all the same.

The linkedin status thing that says "Jim Smith celebrates this" always makes me think of Office Space.

@ChastenLisa69 @EEM19781 “He is I and I am Him, Slim with a tilted brim. What’s my motherfuckin’ name?” Doggalatians 2:13

@stclairashley Or they could just Google it. Not exactly as earth-shattering as you’re trying to make it.

“Liking things is gay.”

@ModestMitkus 👋

If you’re tired of doing meth alone, try new Congregational Meth.

@Cobratate Did he also name you Sue?

When I was a toddler my dad bumped me at random. Pushed me over. Nonstop. Eventually, I learned to packpeddle extremely proficiently. So he pushed harder. When I was older he did it to Tristan too. I remember watching. “Why push us dad?” So you learn to get up.

@Cobratate That’s called a “confession.” That’s how they work.

If I tell the truth theyll put me in jail.

“Fans want more scoring. What do I know. Here you fuckin’ go.”

“Ranch Water” always makes me envision putting some water in the Hidden Valley bottle to get the last bits out.

“Before I was married, I subscribed to a magazine exclusively focused on black holes. I can tell you, Floridians don’t want this kind of smut forced on their college students.” #blackhole

@Family_and_Pets 🎶 and she weighs over 15000 pounds 🎶

This article discusses some of the largest creatures on Earth, from domestic pets to wild beasts, and explores the biology and evolutionary factors that contribute to their impressive growth.