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She’s right and honest and struggling to make an explanation for it. But it is precisely for that reason, the lack of explanation, that I write, so…
Being too nice to your girlfriend bores her. Why? Because, simply put, niceness, for women, is a monotonous experience. And routine is boring - or, more safely put, less stimulating.
Women may be delusional, but “if he won’t do it, another man will” is not a delusion; it’s a fact they can back up with their experience of society. Women enjoy benevolence from everyone and everything capable of such - the men, the society, the system - except nature, apparently.
So they know what they’re saying when they say, “if he won’t do it, another man will.” Because, truly, a man will.
Offer a woman a kind gesture at 4 p.m. on a Monday, and you’re probably the fifth person, and most certainly the fourth man, doing something of that nature for her that day. Do the same for a man at the same time, same day, and you’re probably the first and only man to have done something of that nature for him that day - and possibly in the previous days.
The man appreciates the gesture more, not only because he understands what it takes to expend such effort, but also because of its rarity in his experience. The woman, on the other hand, may appreciate it but will never give it the same level of significance as the man. She gets it every day from almost anyone. Anyway…
Someone will likely give up a seat on a bus - for a woman.
Surplus drives depreciation, or, in this case, indifference. Constant exposure to kindness dulls the sense of appreciation for it.
The point is, women are the biggest and most frequent beneficiaries of goodwill/benevolence in society. You cannot, therefore, expect your “niceness” to strengthen her attraction to you. Because if she gets "niceness" from everybody, and she’s not attracted to everybody, why would you think your niceness makes a difference?
But then, This is not to say that being the opposite of nice - being a prick - gets her attracted to you. No. This is to say that you have to be, for her, a different experience from her everyday experience, or else she finds you boring.
Novelty drives women’s attraction. Women are wired for novelty. Novelty stimulates women. And women, as you know, are loyal to their feelings, not your sacrifice. Your sacrifice is, to her, what other men can do. But the novelty you give is what most men cannot do. Give her the former, and you’re boring; give the latter, and you become irresistible.
But it would be pointless for me to say all this and fail to tell you what novelty I speak of.
You see, excessive niceness becomes a form of pressure through idealization.
Being too nice to a woman - whom society, family, colleagues, and neighbors never fail to be nice to - is a form of idealization. It is a projection of an exalted, sacred, royal image onto her and, consequently, the quiet demand for her to act as that which is projected onto her. Because that is what idealization does: it gives the person the unspoken responsibility to live as the idealized version. Thus, the pressure of having to posture as who she’s not is often felt and released in the form of “finding you and your niceness boring.” Although they tell you they just need space.
When you’re too nice to a woman, you’ve idealized and pedestalized her. Deep down, she knows she doesn’t deserve that amount of sacrifices. Thus, she sees it as performance. Because she knows she’s not Mary, the mother of Jesus; she’s not a princess; she’s not a virgin; neither does she not tell lies, nor can she not cheat, nor has she never stolen before. And her sh*t stinks too.
She knows she’s not all that your treatment idealizes, but Precious Amadi from Rumuokoro, with 4 Fs in WAEC results, 3 carryovers in university courses, 10 body counts, and 5k in her account - home and abroad. All of this about herself is very certain to her.
YabaLeftOnline@yabaleftonline
“If a man loves me more or if he’s too nice to me, the relationship is not sweet.” — Lady
English
