Carl Camel

BREAKING: Tanner Horner, the FedEx driver who kidnapped and murdered 7-year-old Athena Strand in Texas, has been sentenced to death.

@BregalSagemount Help I've got a fish head wife with no cannons, are you guys hiring?

@watchesofespion The answer is they get overtime and hazard pay

How do intel and SOF afford Tudor/Omega etc? The short answer is, the same as everyone else.  They work hard and save up. No one is using your tax dollars for Tudors. Relax.

I used AI to turn the JP Morgan sex scandal into a 90s Wall Street thriller, with fruit.

@NostalgiaFolder They're gonna bring these back with how dumb AI is making everyone

Who remembers Accelerated Reader?

@RepRashida The term limit for the supreme court is 1?

Term limits for the Supreme Court. Enforce a binding Code of Ethics. Impeach these corrupt justices. Expand the Court.

Imagine trading financial freedom and an amazing boss at JP Morgan for unemployment and going bankrupt from legal fees

@terrificprodigy Some men die of thirst while others drown

“If you don’t fuck my brains out tonight, I’m going to sabotage your promotion” Fucking hell…

@JessPalmadessa Call the fire marshal

The Scientology bldgs in Hollywood have now removed all their door handles and chained the doors shut from the inside in attempt to stop the viral speedruns🥴

@HackingLZ Don't forget to submit a clear forward facing photo of yourself with your eyes open to get a cool hairstyle analysis

Reminds me of this "Drug dealer jailed after sharing a photo of cheese that included his fingerprints" edition.cnn.com/2021/05/25/uk/… x.com/LinusEkenstam/…

@UK_Daniel_Card Inchoon innit

IN-TOON is not how you say intune. I need ear bleach now

Please submit your fingerprints for a palm reading, your iris and facial features for a hairstyle analysis. @OpenAI is swimming in biometrics

@InsiderWN youtube.com/watch?v=Zh3Maf…

#BREAKING: A car bomb has reportedly exploded near a police station in Dunmurry, Northern Ireland.

@LinusEkenstam It is truly important that we all feed our fingerprints into the machine

You must try this. GPT Image-2 can do PALM reading and I’m so here for it. Full prompt below ⤵️

Not even grok can imagine you with some bitches

I've never seen @GovernorVA at the Hermes store droppin a ticket on a bag. Not sure how she's gonna call me broke and say my budget tight. Pocket watching is not a good policy decision!

@GovernorVA Cap, pull up and we can go band for band rn

No matter where I travel across Virginia, I meet families who are seeing their budgets squeezed by the President's actions. Amid this uncertainty, I am concentrating on creating new jobs, supporting working Virginians, and setting the next generation up for success.

@NeuraLogic @PropheticAI Yea buddy reading this response made me confident it does harm to babies

@TwoHumpChump @PropheticAI Ultrasound is radiation-free with no reported genotoxic harm, otherwise we wouldn’t be using it to scan babies during pregnancy.

Today we are launching two revolutionary products: Dual and Phase. These devices will enhance how humans dream. Prophetic Dual retails for $449 and starts shipping at the end of this year. Prophetic Phase retails for $1299 and starting shipping middle of next year.

@picotop I'm married filing jointly, why are you bringing my wife up on our date

if your date got a tax refund, just leave. in 2026 we’re only dating men who pay quarterly estimates.

@DrewVento Come again? Those are way too deep in there to feel?

Every man remembers their first time feeling an IUD.