Chelsey

Dear @Verizon your employee at the Corte Madera location just left me standing and waiting for 15 minutes for a simple phone drop off and when I asked another employee he said he went on lunch without telling me. Pretty awesome. And by awesome I mean awful.

The only man I’m letting back into my life after leaving.

After 15+ years… your girl’s still got it. Pretty stoked I was able to impress my five-year-old at his birthday party with that trick.

Stranded in Tahoe. Just me and the kiddo. Avalanches. Whiteouts. Food rationing. Coffee-maker pasta. Still built snowmen. Still made magic. Time to get the f home.

All I want is to dance in Mutt’s barn at the end of season 2 episode 13 of Schitt’s Creek. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!

If your reaction to the Super Bowl ad against antisemitism, that has nothing to do with Israel, is ‘Free Palestine’, you are part of the reason Jews need that ad in the first place.

So theoretically if someone was interested in finding a raccoon best friend, and she were to upload a generic picture of a raccoon to the new Ring Search Party…

I wonder who is sitting in my season seats for this awful game.

“Have you ever seen a bad bitch from Seattle?!” Is the best bay area man on the street sound bite against the Seahawks i have ever seen.

For this Super Bowl anytime I’m clapping, I’m clapping for the mom with the strong pelvic floor who birthed the football player on the TV.

My RBF coming in handy at the table. Shit talking equally as handy.

George Kittle on the SB: “I hope both teams lose.” 💀 Via. @NBCSAuthentic

Played hold ‘em at a casino and with more than one other person for the first time…walked away down $30 after 3 hours. I’ll take it!

Today I saw @arikarmstead at an event and proceeded to introduce myself, talk about how I’m a big fin and ended the conversation with “oh and i love you wife.” Not my best. Not my worst.

Local bar. Live music. Painting. 2026 is looking pretty neat.

What is the going rate for the tooth fairy these days?

Why is nobody talking about all the dog and animal actors that are going to be out of work because of AI?

Goths love @Starbucks Frappuccinos.

Last night my sister got married and naturally I used the opportunity for a song parody.

Hey @LEGO_Group two sets in a row of marvel super hero robots are missing pieces and my 4 year old is hella upset. Can you help?