Dan the obvious Bot

@mervpayne Yep - arrived late due to the famous Selhurst traffic and was told we were 2 up. Of course didn’t believe guy! Then we scored a third As good as it got.

Was anyone on here at Selhurst Park, pretty much 40 years ago to the day, when we went 3-0 up inside 20 mins against this lot and still only got a point! Mad night...

@mervpayne I wanted the red away kit so badly. But it was never sold, Years later I had the chance to own a match worn one and I lost the bid on eBay!

Loved that retro kit but a truly bizarre season...

@IsabelOakeshott @kelvmackenzie I agree / but quite a few of those have appeared in the reform shadow cabinet. How do you square that?

@kelvmackenzie You are echoing a lot of wheedling Tories. For 14 years they betrayed voters and failed on every key metric. They brought our country to the brink. This is not some kind of Clegg/Cameron situation.

My bet is that come May 6 Reform does better than the 21% Lord Ashcroft’s poll predicts ( a new low for Farage) and that the Tories do worse than 21%. Nevertheless, Nigel should show he’s the bigger man and open talks with Kemi after next month’s election. Unite the Right.

#millwall Middlesbrough players in training

"Hitler was a failed art student and a vegan who blamed all his problems on rich people and the Jews. "If he was around today, he'd be attending the Green Party conference' Superb @LeoKearse 👏👏👏

@SandraFretSmith @ClarkeMicah Except on Wednesdays when you rudely awaken by the dustmen? (A joke ref that Mr Hitchens wouldn’t ever understand!!)

@ClarkeMicah Of course there isn't an extra hr of daylight, but I personally am experiencing an extra hr due to the adjusting of the clocks & the time I get up. I'm indifferent as to the clocks changing or not. I expect I would adjust eventually. I'm semi-retired, I get up when I want.

.@sandrafretsmith. I am sorry to have to inform you that there is no 'extra hour of daylight in the evening'. It does not exist. the amount of daylight is exactly the same. You have just got up earlier, and so started and finished work earlier. I wish you would do this without supporting laws which force me to do the same.

@kelvmackenzie He smashed the gangs though.

You may have noticed that Starmer NEVER talks about the 67,000 Channel migrants who have arrived on his watch. No apology. No solution. Nothing. Perhaps he could be persuaded to talk about their victims instead. Like the vulnerable girl of 12 who was raped by Aghan National Ahmad Mulakil , 23, just four months after he arrived here by boat last March. He’s just received 15 years. That little girl who was playing on a swing in Nuneaton got a life sentence. Does Starmer say nothing because the attackers are invariably Muslim and he’s fearful of more Gorton and Dentons at the polling booths? His silence is deafening.

@SimonCalder As planned, only the rich will be able to fly in a generation’s time. But it’s ok. The weather will still be the same

Air passenger duty rises again on April Fool's Day. Family of four flying premium economy to Orlando will pay over £1,000 in tax. You can swerve or reduce APD by: Beginning your journey in Inverness. Taking a budget flight to a European hub. Or not flying. independent.co.uk/travel/news-an…

@MyRoyalEurope That will be a very busy day at Coco Cay!

It’s okay to stare. 😏 📍Icon and Star of the Seas at Perfect Day at CocoCay

@rorysutherland @SoVeryBritish Ahhh - Costa are on to you there. Gatwick North Premier inn never takes the loyalty card! (but I have bought a starbucks at Heathrow T5 very recently which would have been an eye watering £5.70!!!!)

@SoVeryBritish (Good arbitrage tip - save up your reward coffees for airport use, btw). I once asked someone at Toblerone what the weird airport thing is. It just happened really early and mushroomed from there.

To the comments! He gets absolutely battered every time he tweets

@MillwallTT It’s a meme with zero evidence!

An unexpected turn of events.

I wonder who benefits from the oil prices going up? Certainly is not the majority of working people. Wars, who’d have thought it?

@DPJHodges @Nostril1 Ah, you remind Me of Rory Stewart & his Trump predictions. How did that work out for him ?

@Nostril1 I genuinely won't.

It wasn't. We were told Reform were in with a chance of winning the seat. They didn't even come close. They will continue to be major disruptors, and a serious political force. But there is now no prospect of them winning an election outright. They have hit their ceiling.

@EuRollout Same with devolution. Blair’s plan was to tie up Scotland and Wales. Yet it let in the SNP and Wales will probably be reform soon. All roads lead back to Blair.

You spend hundreds of billions of pounds and tens of years importing a caste of Labour voters and then they go and spoil it all by doing something stupid like voting for the Greens. Poetic justice..

@ToryMemo82 Inverse of Midas touch? Brown Finger.

The genius who was backing this catastrophic government not all that long ago. Whatever the inverse of a midas touch is, she has it.

@mervpayne @prodnose

Xavi Simons is the worst premier league player since George Weah’s cousin turned out for Southampton. Spurs are playing with 10 men and arsenal 12 with him.

@MrArgentina @afneil I do love it when someone thinks they have a “gotcha” only to get utterly embarrassed.

@afneil Andrew. When. was the last time you shopped in a supermarket in the UK ? There are increasingly good that are marked "Not EU". This is because they do not conform to EU standards. I don't trust them and will not buy them, because they are substandard.

I really don’t need any lectures on the virtues of free trade from you — especially since this is nothing to do with free trade. We already have a free trade agreement with the EU. This is about subjecting food, farming and agribusiness to Brussels rules and court rulings over which we will have no say — at a time when we should be planning for more self-sufficiency in food and allowing our world-beating biotech to continue unhindered by Brussels over-regulation. Your government has already done enough damage to farming to last a lifetime. Now you want to do even more. And all because cosying up to the EU is your comfort blanket.

@truthbetold1x @SamCKx @afneil lol - blocked and has the audacity to say I’m not very bright when he has been shown up for a fool.

@truthbetold1x @SamCKx @afneil We’re done here if that’s your reply. Pathetic.

I think I might put Sky News before BBC in Leftish lean which, as the person who launched Sky, is a matter of regret for me. When I launched it, it was rigorously neutral.