antoinette muller 🇿🇦

@Queen_Viv_ sis just stayed in bed like?!!?

My friend woke up to a baboon in her room and she still politely asking it to go... I would have fainted 😭😭😂😂🤣

@kerrykuyper state of my brain is to skip over the entire middle part of your reply and read "sorry to see you still alive" 😆

@mspr1nt Sorry you can't find your phone...but good yo see you still alive

i am never on this app anymore but i am at my wits end with the great mystery of where is my phone and i know there are sleuths here that would tell houdini how he did his tricks, so here i am.

@jonathanstea high up on wut. meth or pot

If you’re feeling a bit strange today, it could be because the DNA-changing mutant powers that was promised to you by anti-vaxxers has finally arrived.

...or does this mean that i inadvertently somehow activated assistant (further context it accidentally activated and set a two min timer while in builders....) and turned my phone off.... which now remains OFF and yet somewhere in this fucking house

...because google has fucked its algorithm to the point of failing to direct match pretty much even its own brand search.... the internet cannot tell me .... does this mean a smart ass skollie knew how to turn off a locked device (and wtf is it responding to their voice)

@kristenhowerton Of course going through security (and I knew what it looked like), I was immediately convinced that I WAS smuggling diamonds, unwittingly, part of some grand scheme set up for shifting gear through people's discontent.

@kristenhowerton A few years ago, pre panache, I figured I'd take my weighted blanket with me as check in luggage on an international flight. I dunno if you're acquainted with the innards of weighted blankets... But they look a lot.... Like....tiny diamonds. I live in South Africa.

An anxiety disorder looks like going through airport security and seeing that there is a drug-sniffing dog and thinking to yourself "DO I have cocaine in my bag??" even though you've never actually seen cocaine in real life.

@paulisci @CathrynR Somebody should check on Nobody because they are definitely a vampire or a genetic freak living that long.

A Brief History of Nobody Wants to Work Anymore 🧵

@kerrykuyper hii again.

@mspr1nt Hi there.. Long time no see

A person can only fall off the horse so many times until you realise there is no fucking horse, but an iguana which doesn't want to be saddled up

why do all the south african guys have the surname fnb is it like with iceland and son or something

@ggiiaa @randfish I read this as forget the funeral and even after reading the replies I still thought yeah OK, I see your point.

Why "forget the funnel"? Because businesses that rely on recurring revenue, like SaaS, need to provide customers with continued value month after month, year after year. It’s a serious mistake to think about marketing as something that stops when someone signs up.