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@bush_cat32 You can buy the chipped beef and have it shipped to you overseas. It's more expensive than it's worth and your ground beef is a major step up. Good job.
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BREAKING: The homophobic Texas televangelist who claimed Iran would surrender on Easter and name Donald Trump as their new Ayatollah so he could convert all of Iran to Christianity accidentally emailed his entire congregation his Grindr account in his Easter morning e-card.
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An Easter message for my fellow Straightriots. It was my last day as Mall Easter Bunny, and you'll be happy to know, I did not go quietly.
After my final shift, with more sweat up my ass than an Easter Roast, I sat there in the foot court in my red white and blue leather Bunny suit, sitting at one of those small tables, barely big enough to feast on my whole pizza from S'barro's while I cracked leftover Cadbury egg yolks on top.
I was minding my own business, honoring the true meaning of Easter, when suddenly I was accosted by two notoriously woke employees of Sam Goody, wearing their Cool & The Gang shirts the kids today like. One of the girls pointed at my costume and said, "propaganda has no place in the Easter village."
I quickly put out my cigarette in the chocolate eggshell, stood up and proudly exclaimed "You should be thanking President Trump for his legalization of Easter Worship." When they refused to stop mocking my suit, I reminded them that Moses guaranteed by Freedom of Speech in the First Commandment and their criticism of my values is against mall law.
The confrontation escalated as they called security, but the employees of Montgomery Wards had my back. Their faces still covered in free chocolate I gave them, they lifted me over their shoulders like I had won the Easter Super Bowl and protected me by spraying the girls in the face with Blue De Chanel as I held my melting chocolate bunny like a trophy.
Impressed by my bravery, the mall manager approached and declared that I had enough raw sex appeal to be Easter Bunny for Life.
At this point, the Auntie Anne's workers got involved, remembering when I round house kicked one in the face last month to honor the memory of Chuck Norris, and they tossed warm cups of honey mustard our way while shouting "Easter has No Kings!" I'm not going to say who started it, but soon enough there was enough honey mustard flying over the whole food court like it was the Boston Tea Party for condiments.
I was safely carried away to the mall bunker, the Pole Position arcade machine at Aladdin's Castle, while the employees fought amongst themselves, tripping on pretzel bites, shoving Dr. Pepper Peeps in the manager's mouth and calling it "late stage capitalism."
As we waited for the riot to break down, all I could think of was the beautiful words of our National Anthem by Lee Greenwood. God bless the USA, and God bless Easter. And if the mall manager is reading this, I humbly accept the Easter Bunny for Life position, just as I have already been declared America's favorite Mall Santa; for He is Risen. #HappyEaster
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@LASHYBILLS This is real. I know because I was there.
I was that tesla.
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A 38-year-old woman spent $12k to have 56 abortions because she loves the feeling of it.
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That's a whole lot of assumptions there. 1st Chronology alone does not prove causation or plagiarism. 2nd Ancient Near Eastern societies shared a common cultural milieu, oral traditions, and possibly memories of real regional catastrophes (e.g., massive floods in Mesopotamia). The Bible’s version could reflect a shared cultural memory or independent development rather than plagiarism. Reducing it to “copy/paste” ignores context, transmission, and adaptation. 3rd Mesopotamian versions (e.g., Epic of Gilgamesh’s Utnapishtim, Atrahasis, or earlier Sumerian Eridu Genesis) feature a polytheistic pantheon where gods argue, act capriciously (one god warns the hero secretly because others want to wipe out noisy humans), multiple deities, and sometimes immoral or whimsical motives. The Biblical account is strictly monotheistic: one righteous God judges human wickedness morally, with a covenant promise afterward, no divine infighting, and an emphasis on ethical monotheism. Details like ark dimensions, the number of animals, the duration, the reason for the flood, and post-flood actions diverge significantly.
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@RightsideRa @Jake16423473 @LucifersTweetz It did copy some of the better stories though. The three days resurrection and flood/ark fables were lifted from sumerian mythology. The ark story was almost copy/paste.
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@Jake16423473 @LucifersTweetz You're first mistake was assuming Christianity was invented. Christianity was never invented. It didn't come by the will of man but the will of God
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why the fuck would they bring that
Art Encyclopedia@artenpedia
During an expedition of the South Pole, a dog enjoys the gramophone, 1911.
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@LouDPhillips How many more times will I pick the wrong profession?
WRITING's where it's at!
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@TerribleMaps It hasn't shrunk. Technology has allowed us to come even closer to reaching planet earth.
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Blows my mind how much earth has shrunk in just 54 years. Concerning
NASA@NASA
1972 ➡️2026 Apollo 17 ➡️ Artemis II
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@OldManHop @makotopic These taste OK but the texture is between candle and candy.
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@makotopic American here: enjoyment of black licorice candy is associated with old people and the British.
It's way more common for people to eat a similar type of candy (also called "licorice") in strawberry and cherry flavor instead. The most common brands are "Twizzlers" and "Red Vines"
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Another Mormon dilemma: Mormons reject the Trinity and insist that their god the father, Holy Ghost and Jesus are three separate and distinct individuals. With this doctrine, their Jesus is not the son of god, but the son of their Holy Ghost.
This breaks the biblical connection between their Jesus Christianity. According to scripture:
Matthew 1:18: Mary “was found to be pregnant through the Holy Spirit.”
Matthew 1:20: “What is conceived in her is from the Holy Spirit.”
Luke 1:35: “The Holy Spirit will come on you, and the power of the Most High will overshadow you. So the holy one to be born will be called the Son of God.”
This explains why Brigham Young and other Mormon ‘prophets’ and ‘apostles’ claimed their god the father conceived their Jesus the old fashioned way, it’s the only way he could be the son of god. But that explanation also severs the link between their Jesus and the Bible. Mormons are wrong either way.
The Mormon Jesus is not the Christ of the Bible. Checkmate, heretics.
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Three Englishmen were in a bar and spotted an Irishman. One of them said, “I’m going to wind him up.”
He walked over, tapped the Irishman on the shoulder, and said, “I hear St. Patrick was a no-good wife beater.”
The Irishman said, “Oh, really? Didn’t know that.”
The man went back, confused. “I insulted St. Patrick, and he didn’t care!”
The second Englishman said, “You’re doing it wrong. Watch this.”
He went over and said, “I hear St. Patrick was a no-good drunk!”
The Irishman replied, “Oh wow, I didn’t know that. Thanks for telling me.”
The Englishman came back shocked. “You’re right, he doesn’t react to anything!”
The third Englishman said, “I’ll get him.”
He walked over, tapped the Irishman on the shoulder, and said,
“I hear St. Patrick was an Englishman!”
The Irishman smiled and said,
“Yeah, that’s what your friends were trying to tell me!” 😂🍀
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@Bruce_Cares @britsalterego Those Cheerios commercials were bullshit.
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@britsalterego It’s a threat, they do this in defense of the hive and in a swarm like this… you will die.
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Yeah hi, beekeeper here! If you see this, fucking run. Record less and run more.
Nature is Amazing ☘️@AMAZlNGNATURE
Giant Honeybees use a collective defense known as "shimmering" to deter wasps and other predators, whereby hundreds of individual bees flip their abdomens upwards in a coordinated wave-like pattern.
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