emerlie

Do you know what it’s like to check your girlfriend’s location and knowing she’s likely in the middle of a body of water?

@Slatzism Do yall not remember that video where the baby wouldn’t calm down until it heard Gangnam style

infants are developing parasocial relationships with YouTubers before they can even talk and reacting to the intro jingles of their channels like little digital crackheads, oblivious to their own mother’s voices. that’s not “magic”, that’s horrifying

@faithmacaldo Plugged this bad boy into iNat, and this might be a Muscovy duck

Paros sights, strange creatures

@faithmacaldo I’m the cop who lives at your mom’s house

Me visiting the $1000 guitar amp that I bought for half as much from a cop who lives at my mom’s house bc it’s so loud that if I turned it on it would get me evicted from my apartment: hiiiiIiiiiiIiiiiiIII

Walking to my car this morning and a fucking piece of white bread fell out of a tree in front of me

@faithmacaldo I’m literally going to poop my freaking pants because of this

This is how my girlfriend fell asleep tonight

@faithmacaldo Kirsten I have unlocked my secret first twitter

Haunted by grief, no sleep, listening to Steely Daaaaaaaannnn

Why do I have a twitter? I have literally no idea.