Gordon Clarke

@CairtersSMFC Just paper talk. We don't have a manager for next season or know what league we're playing atm

@AvonandsomerRob I run a pub quiz in Gosport. Anyone using their phone has to leave their team until the completion of the current round of questions

My local pub is doing a quiz where you answer the questions on your mobile phone. People will just Google the answers. Is this dumb or what?

@hannahpeach93 Of course

Guys, would you eat unshaved pussy??

@SPFLWatch Yet somehow they can manage to show multiple English games at the same time

Farcical situation developing. Like all Premiership matches there’s a six-camera production in place already. Sky have two picks remaining at Fir Park, and 8 matches left on their contract. There is absolutely nothing stopping Sky from having two commentators on this one.

@elainesim28 My TV has been telling me the batteries need replacing for well over a year and it's still working fine. How many people are buying batteries that they don't need

Shoutout to everyone who takes the back off the remote control and rolls the batteries around instead of just replacing them.

@RealAstridWett I'm in the pub

men who actually know where the G spot is.... where you at??

@Bonniehartxo Hi, Bonnie

Say 'hi' to get a special surprise in dms 🍒]

@_WokeNonsenseFC You spout a load of pish

I think this Villa game has showed that there needs to be some sort of points deduction for anti competitive lineups etc Coz it’s not fair on West Ham who had to play a full strength Villa and thus lost whilst Spurs get to play a Villa team that wouldn’t look out of place in the championship

@Milito177 Do they not have a switch inside the house to isolate the outside socket?

I can’t imagine the daily headache her husband must have with a wife like this

@stmirrenretro What I remember most about that day, was the abuse the Hearts fans gave McGarvey. It was off the scale horrendous

On this day 30 April 1988 Hearts 0-1 St Mirren A vital win in the fight to avoid relegation with Tony Fitzpatrick acting as caretaker manager Paul Chalmers’ late winner sparked great celebrations in the away end This was Hearts first defeat at Tynecastle that season

@BitcoinSapiens When I was let gofrom a job with a weeks notice early on a Friday morning, they told me they didn't expect me to come in the next week . Too right, didn't even finish the day. was out the office within 5 minutes

My coworker quit today without putting in his two week notice. Everyone in the office is annoyed that he did that, but I can’t blame him. The last person who put their two weeks notice in was let go that day. Why should an employee put in a two week notice when employers fire without notice?

@yay_tunes I bet he irons his socks

2 years later *I never saw the divorce coming “

@ScotRail @ladyranger @ScotRail surely you've got the relevant number at the council to contact for any station issues that you pass the buck to ????

@ladyranger It's been confirmed that this bin is the responsibility of the local council Yvonne, so you may wish to contact them. ^Paul

Any chance @ScotRail you can empty this bin at Paisley Canal? It's been full for weeks and it looks like it's attracting vermin. It's disgusting 🤢

@BadBrad58 Who is she

@Tropasss She's been 28, but that was a few years ago !!!

Tenho uma péssima notícia pra ela, ela tem mais cara de 82 anos do que 28 anos

@NotFarLeftAtAll You'd have to pay me to see this c*nt

Tickets to Lenny Henry’s new show “Lenny Henry Still at Large” cost £45. Would you pay to see Lenny

@HJB_News__ British or Pakistani , there's no hybrid

British Pakistani boxer loses in 30 seconds in his Pro Debut 😂😂🤣👇

@ThrillaRilla369 Tony Eason.

Age yourself by naming an NFL player from your childhood. I'll start: Dan Marino

@TheHatedOne01 Only worth going to see a good sci-fi blockbuster with great special effects on a big screen, otherwise just watch at home on your big TV

Wanna know why no one goes to the Movie theater? 1. Hollywood has no more original ideas. They just remake great movies from the past and royally fuck them up 2. Theaters charge way too much for a ticket 3. The food and drinks at the concession stand is way over priced. 4. It’s way cheaper to stay home and stream a movie. You can pause it, use the restroom, Make your own food and beverages. Theaters are obsolete due to greed and wokeism.