aspen/sparx || #1 edtwt kegel advocate

introduction: name: Aspen age: 27 pronouns: he/they height: 5'3 (160cm) sw: 128lb (58kg) hw: 153lb (69kg) gw1: 85lb (38.5kg) ugw: 75lb (34kg) skz ot8 bias - sims 4 - celebrity drama - youtube - anime

where r u on this spectrum

A Japanese restaurant put “face slap” on the menu. 500 yen per slap. Up to five. Extra 100 yen to pick your server. It started free. Demand forced them to charge. Onlookers cheered. Women requested multiple rounds. The owner noticed. So he flipped it: female customers could pay to do the slapping. American spas charge $200 for a sound bath. Japan charged $3.50 to hit you. Both call it stress relief. One of them has a waitlist.

I hate that the only way I can get rid of hiccups is by stripping completely nude and running around in public screaming at people.

do u fw tops who are pathetically affectionate w it

"get a load of this guy" i've been trying to bro

@holowolf6 lmfaooo its the punchline to "what's the difference between a chickpea and a garbanzo bean" i couldn't get it out of my head i had to write it down 😭😭

@2oosm4ll if there's context to this, do i even want to know it

i wouldn't pay $200 to have a garbanzo bean on me

i'm a boy and i pee sitting down #vagina

officially in the running for best grindr message i’ve received

My friend pet my hair once and it felt really good but after a few seconds I thought “l shouldn’t overstay my welcome” so I moved away only for her to grab my hair and yank me back to her and I almost fainted

im going to beat the everloving fuck out of you till you can barely stand or breathe but in a constructive and respectful way that will help you reflect on yourself

trust me i actually know everything i just can’t form a coherent sentence

i'm a dude but a customer just said "hola niña" and it made me smile so big

topical

imagine having a crush on me and then finding out i'm fucked in the head

@pebsistired steam herrr she's going in the sauna ooohhh

@odetoh1m WOAH KELL THAT'S SO EXCITING

I cannot believe i will be on a plane in 30 hours!!!! Ive never been on a plane!!!

@puppystarves PERFECT THANK YOU KEI

just had a f*ckn epiphany if u wanna figure out if someone is str8 or gay all u have to do is ask them how many minutes there are in a year

n-no nurse, that’s actually my FAKE weight! can’t you see all this clothing on me? and i haven’t pooped yet! actually wait, don’t put it in my chart!! here, let me just—