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My son Beacon completed the “Tournament Warrior” feat this weekend at Super 32! He lost his first match to the top seed, then battled back to win five straight and finish with a bronze medal beating the 2, 3, 4 and 5 seeds on the way. Most importantly, he displayed great poise, determination and humility. He’s a fighter. He kept finding a way to stay alive, and it was fun to watch.
We’re not on the national tournament circuit. We haven’t done Tulsa, Reno, Kids Nationals. Winning big tournaments right now isn’t high on our priority list. So when Beacon insisted on coming to Greensboro, North Carolina to compete with his teammates against the best kids in the country at Super 32, I was hesitant. Part of me would rather him just stay at home to train. But more than that, I also didn’t believe he was ready for the caliber of kids I knew he’d run into. I thought about shielding him from potentially getting his butt kicked.
After those initial thoughts, I reframed my perspective and decided to register him. Here are a few important ideas I’ve settled on:
1. Seek challenges — Adversity helps us develop, build character and get closer to the wrestler/man we eventually will become. The harder the challenge, the bigger the window for growth.
2. Wins and losses go into the same bucket. The ultimate goal is to become greater later. Until then we’re just having fun and collecting data — figuring out ways to get better.
3. Prepare them, don’t scare them. I didn’t show him the bracket. I didn’t tell him the names of anyone in his weight class, I didn’t even tell him who he’d have next round. Just bring your best stuff. Who your opponent is, is less important than the energy and intensity you bring to the match. Remember — it’s not about WHO you wrestle, but rather HOW you wrestle.
4. Ignore other parents. Most people have great intentions, but poor advice. Don’t let them project their insecurities on you. They usually have no idea what they’re talking about. Listen to your coaches instead.
5. Let your kid cry. It means they care. You don’t have to pacify them immediately after a loss. Let them sit with their emotions for a little while and learn to handle difficult moments internally.
6. Don’t yell at your kids when they lose. Self explanatory.
7. Let them eat. A full belly makes a happy wrestler. There’s way too much emphasis on going down in weight in hopes of performing better or placing higher. Bigger doesn’t always mean better. If the weight class doesn’t make sense, or you don’t feel like you can compete at the weight, stay home and wait for another opportunity. STOP cutting your kids.
8. Find a club home and stick with it. Most wrestlers have too many chefs in the kitchen. Some wrestlers are regularly attending 2-3 clubs a week with no real identity to their wrestling. More coaches aren’t the answer. Pick one club, trust the process and let it ride.
9. Dont leave the tournament when your wrestler loses. Surround your kids with positive teammates and parents willing to be mat-side and cheer on the squad even if they’ve been knocked out of the tournament. Strong communities stay to support one another no matter what!
10. Dont get too low on your kid’s losses or too high on their success. Celebrate the wins but also remember that it’s just wrestling. All of the college coaches in the arena were watching the high school matches. Not one of them was recruiting the 8u or 11u tournament. It’s not that big of a deal yet.
I realized this weekend that it’s not my job to clear the path for my kids, but only to prepare them for it. Beacon is no better a wrestler today than he was when he walked into the arena yesterday, but now he knows he belongs. And that itself was well worth the risk.
- JB
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