Andy

Happy Easter 🐣

[picking son up from karate] Me: how was it? Son: good, we learned- Me [chop to his throat]: fuck all, you learned absolutely fuck all

Caz has just come back from Belgium and me back these amazing chocolates.

@bunkernumber1 It was good just not that good

@78andyellis Aye, who hasn't jizzed over their tea before

Best tea I’ve cooked in a while.

@bunkernumber1 It’s an unfortunate look

@78andyellis Looks like you were really excited 💦💦

Also have these for pudding

Therapist: let's look at why you feel like such a big dumb loser Me: I didn't say that Therapist [looks at notes]: well one of us did

YES, I KNOW. IT'S CHANGED SINCE THE SHOW WAS FILMED.

@bunkernumber1 Fuck knows, haven’t been in one for 25 years

Since when has every Barber shop turned into appointments only.

@SarahDuggers Zero 7 destiny.

I fancy a playlist and want your help. Let me set the mood for you:

Rip Sabine Schmitz

@retalsp That’s brilliant cricket!

A run out off your own bowling to more or less seal a place at the World Cup then, Sunday Bloody Sunday.

Just had these for tea, they’re fantastic.

The cops wanna question me about the death of my half-brother and I was so worried for a second, but this cop is a total loser lol. There's no way this Lieutenant Columbo guy will ever unravel my conspiracy. That inheritance is as good as mine! Hang on, he has one more question.

Wayne Rooney, 2002. #TheTraitors

AbuGhraibraham Lincoln.

Just test drove this. It’s amazing!