Andy Somers

Didnt see that coming

@themarkrad I note with interest from your show that Carole Hersee is traditionally known as the most aired woman on British TV, surely that mantle is the claim of Susan Calman or Jayne McDonald these days. From Andy Somers (no not that one) in Malmesbury @StuartMaconie

@robertwlk She must be a reformed character

Due to a typo in my text message, I came home last night to find my wife wearing scampi underwear.

@robertwlk Sounds like you were easily lead

Just ended a relationship with a police sketch artist. It was a long, drawn out affair.

@robertwlk Not surprised, it was uber cold

It was so cold last week that I asked the taxi driver to take me to Chester and I ended up in Chichester.

PLEASE let Swedish Chef singing Rapper’s Delight be one of the songs featured on Rock ‘n’ Roller Coaster Starring The Muppets:

@robertwlk Merry Christmas Robert, hope you enjoy having it off

Signing off for Christmas. Have a joyful, peaceful and happy time everyone. Peace and love.❤️

@robertwlk You must be choughed with that

When it comes to telling bird jokes there’s no time like the pheasant.

@robertwlk @Wessex_Nick We weren’t allowed cakes in bed

@Wessex_Nick Morning; yes a red pifco torch with a cream ring.

I remember the good old days, when getting under the blankets and fiddling with the knob of a trannie meant something quite different.

@robertwlk I can barley believe it

I've just bought a picture with a view of an English farm, although it may have been cropped.

@themarkrad listening to you discussing Pulp’s album cover on 2 Nov & thought you’d like my pic. I’m in a band called Long Players, we do whole albums live & recreate the cover. This was behind Malmesbury Abbey. I’m in white jeans, my other half Sara is yellow dress on the right.

@robertwlk Quite right too, he was a seasoned professional

The man who invented gravy granules has had the freedom of the city bistowed upon him.

@robertwlk just saw this and thought of you….. I was bored so l swapped all our sweets into different wrappers. My wife isn't amused...She got her snickers in a twix.

@robertwlk @NotFarLeftAtAll You beat me to it Robert

@NotFarLeftAtAll Lying

Name something Tony Blair was/ is good at?

@robertwlk You could re fuse them

I've still got some fireworks left over from last year. I'm just wondering if they'll be ok or do they go off?

@robertwlk @SBarrettBar And a bin for the waffles

@SBarrettBar Heat

This constitutes an act of war 🧐😡

@robertwlk That’s it, show her the way

My ex says she needs £150 for a new satnav. She can get lost.

@robertwlk Alternative pun usage…. It's really cold all year round in Motown, 3 degrees……4 tops

I’ve been making Motown jokes for about three years. Four, tops.

⁦@StuartMaconie⁩

#Glastonbury2025 #Glastonbury