Ashley Schaeffer

A little commercial "TBT" from my BMW days...

2 years in the slammer, coming out with that rock-hard mama jammer. twitter.com/RussZimmer/sta…

This Donald Trump guy doesn’t seem THAT bad.

This Donald Sterling guy doesn’t seem THAT bad.

Come down to my plantation and smell my plums, @KennyPowers!

I live every day like it's the god damn 4th of July.

Who's ready to "WOO!" again? variety.com/article/VR1118…

I'm at the glorious Kentucky Derby today! Everybody is dressed so fabulous! I'm buying rounds of drinks for all big-titted women over 50!

I live for that sweet, sweet nectar that can be harvested off a woman's inner-thigh.

If you're not watching your Tivo'd "Dancing with the Stars," then tune into HBO at 10pm to see @KFUCKINGP piss away his life on #Eastbound.

Women are one of few in the animal kingdom that cannot be tamed…And they hate cages, too.

My son Gabriel could literally beat the shit out of that Kony fellow.

Curling up with some of Mammy's dumplings in my La-Z-Boy to watch @KFUCKINGP destroy a young boy's life… #Eastbound, HBO, tonight at 10pm.

It's only 11am and, by gee, I'm already fulllll of @FantaFun.

The @Kia automobile is a superior machine. Can I interest anyone in a 'gently used' Sorento?

How does this Twitter work? I was for sure #MammysDumplings would have trendered last night!

It's true, plebeians! I've changed my name to @ASKIA69 to reflect my current life status. So be it. Woo.

Nothing's more exciting than the thrill of the chase. I'll find you and your little butt boy, Kenny. #Eastbound

The glorious return of Ashley Schaeffer and his premiere BMW dealership, tonight on #Eastbound, HBO, 10pm - WOOOO!

I just paid 112K for a necklace made of human teeth! WOO!