Ham Randal

September 2nd, 2088, 11:13 p.m CST

Mine eyes have seen the glory of the coming of the black lord He is trampling out corruption where the wrath of cops are stored He hath loosed the fateful lightning of his large chocolate sword The Afroman marching on.

@hazardpounder Keep your friends close But the gay friend at a safe distance with your asshole covered

Only a fool makes an enemy of the gay dude with all the hot friends. This is basic knowledge and I’ve spoken on it before. Gotta get on his good side (at a safe distance)

#ChuckNorris is #RoundHouseRaping in the big #CapeCod in the #Sky

@fratbeverley @JoFan_12 John pork Gualtiers cuz they match with his furr colla My Kevin goes mew-mew mew-mew maaaaw

My twitter is now just me, @JoFan_12 and @AShittyEngineer having conversations in a public echo chamber and none of us are saying things productive to society

I can save the beautiful 6/10 small town cafe waitress

No quicker way for me to go from “why are they making this?” to “I’m there day one” than the prospect of a villainous Cruise flooding Miami with cocaine.

Cranking hog or hogly cranking

"Jesus, Paul, look at this receipt—ten dollars for a single potato. This new Value-Mart AI surge pricing is killing me, man. Killing me." “That’s nothing, Bill. Wait ’til the next update: the store will be able to see exactly how much money you have in your bank.” “You’re kidding.” “And your 401k.” “@#$% me sideways.” “That’s why I use URCHN to do my groceries.” “Really? What’s URCHN?” “URCHN is the latest in affordable concierge shopping.” “Oh, you mean like Uber or Instacart. What makes them different?” “Orphans.” “𝑂𝑟𝑝ℎ𝑎𝑛𝑠?” “That’s right, Bill. And not just any orphans. Dirty, starving orphans who live under overpasses.” “Uuuh.” “As you know, the cameras in the grocery aisle scan your face and adjust the price based on race, socioeconomic status, and dietary restrictions. But you know who always gets the best prices, no matter what?” “…orphans?” “Yep.” “I don’t know, Paul, that seems a little-” “Of course, the AI still discriminates based on race, which is why they send a multi-racial team of no less than four dirty orphans to buy your groceries.” "Um." “The Latino child buys your rice, and the Asian child buys your tortillas.” “Yeah, no, I get it.” “And the black child-” “Sorry, uh, these are children, right? Small children?” “Of course. Teens would raise the price.” “How do they, uh, reach the items on the top shelves?” “They stand on each other’s emaciated little shoulders.” "Jesus." "Yeah, the Hispanic orphan tends to be on the bottom." "What?" "Sturdy stock." “…and how much do you save?” “My last potato was 34 cents.” “#$&@ it, I’m in.” --- [r][title: AI Surge Pricing]

@AsahiSuperFly1 Ham had four cups of coffee and three ginger ales at 7am with zero sleep

@AShittyEngineer Certified ham randal high water warrior?

Thank you to all the goyum who pay me money each and every day #isreal

My autistic special interests are strippers, prostitutes, and ladies of the night

In one hour of Miami I saw an NFL player and a half dozen bleached assholes on display #expand

Living with you is going to be like living with a cryptid #down

You're laughing? A cop testified under oath that he does not know if Afroman fucked his wife, and you're laughing?

Miami I am inside you

Calling for swift and decisive #TotalGenocideOfPotSmokers

@tigertowntrash Brittney Blue it is then!

Stop calling me Bonnie blue

> Please don’t name me > Is named God I love how journalists aren’t people

9am vodka soda #Expand