ACoA Tom

If I’m scanning it myself, I want an employee discount.

@blondehotcoffee Santa’s lap has heard things no sleigh should carry.

why would i pay for therapy when it’s free to trauma dump on the mall santa

@kristabellerina Nothing wrong with keeping it simple — especially if you make up for it in charm.

Sometimes instant oatmeal for dinner is good enough.

We grow more spiritually when we do things wrong than by doing everything right. (Richard Rohr)

We are hardwired for connection and in the absence of connection, there is always suffering. -Brene Brown

God told Abraham to go...Jesus said, "come to me." To come or to go is to move. Things that don't move are not alive. Water that doesn't move is stagnant. Whether you feel led to go or to come...move!

Waiting has become a synonym for wasting in our world. We want what we want and we want it now. People find it hard to believe that anything is worth waiting for! But I believe that there are things worth waiting for? Do you? If so, what are those things?

@dnj_com I don't know what's worse. The MTSU record or the fact that anyone thinks that a win over WKU could salvage this season.

How a win over Western Kentucky could salvage MTSU football season, end losing streak dnj.com/story/sports/c…

@JustAMomNamedMM The right person doesn’t tame your fire — they learn to dance in the warmth of it.

Be with someone who encourages you to evolve into the very best version of yourself, not someone who wants to hold you back.

@JustAMomNamedMM That’s what every love song is trying to describe.

Ever looked at someone and been like "There they are. Finally. That's my person. I've been waiting a long time for you?"

@JustAMomNamedMM Don’t worry, we're not here for your punctuation.

My grammar and punctuation get reallllyyyy bad when I’m very high. Anyone else?

@kristabellerina If you survive this, Thanksgiving will feel like a spa day.

You can’t scare me, you’re not my teen hosting a Halloween party for 16 of her closest friends.

@_TheBookishOne Experts say the cure involves candlelight and Barry White.

I am currently suffering from severe lack of kisses, please donate to my cause.

@Mrs_JParker Okay, I just spit my coffee out on that one. Great response! 🤣

@AcoaTom I’m meeting his family on Sunday.

I’ve never made eye contact while eating a banana before but the guy on the motorcycle next to my car really seemed into it.

@JustAMomNamedMM Doubt often comes loudest when we’re closer to something meaningful. May you find peace and hope in the new day.

Sometimes my mind is an awful place to be. I can’t seem to shut off the doubt tonight. I’m wondering if maybe I was wrong about everything. Maybe I got it all wrong. I would do anything to make the thoughts stop. Enjoy your evening, friends. I hope you find peace tonight.

@oneawkwardmom Honestly, you should’ve just put crackers on the counter and said, "Honey, here's your dinner. Enjoy."

My husband came home to find me cleaning cheese off the bathroom floor and had the audacity to ask how the kids were today.

@housewifebored8 Twitter: Victoria’s Secret Edition

All of my Twitter friends posting such pretty pictures tonight I swear. 🥰 Even some pretty boobies too. 🩷😂 I’m so jealous.

@theHetal Somebody put this on a Hallmark card!

Someone to sit quietly with while the world falls apart, who also reminds me I have nice t!ts. That’s all.

@Dad_2_The_Bone One ends with a receipt, the other with regret.

"Strip down / facing me" means different things when you're in jail or paying at the super market

@kristabellerina Smells like… bad parenting.

If everyone taught their kids about deodorant, we wouldn’t know what teen spirit smells like.