Adam Sharp

It’d be foolish of me not to mention here that my next book is called THE WHEEL IS SPINNING BUT THE HAMSTER IS DEAD: A JOURNEY AROUND THE WORLD IN IDIOMS, PROVERBS AND GENERAL NONSENSE. So if you want more idioms like the ones in this thread, please pre-order now (link in my bio)

At a divorce paper signing… WOMAN: I regret ever joining that Star Wars dating app MAN: You were looking for love in Alderaan places WOMAN: And I really regret marrying a Star Wars pun addict MAN: It was a wookie mistake WOMAN: Just sign it MAN, SIGNING: May divorce be with you

@AdamCSharp My dad used to say, “I’ll never let you down” Great man, terrible hot air balloon pilot

@_Am0H My dad always used to say, “don’t screw up.” Lovely guy, terrible carpenter.

@AdamCSharp My friend Mathew used to say "If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek" Lovely guy, terrible boxer.

My dad used to say “always get up early so you can beat the morning crowds.” Nice man, overzealous riot police officer.

@SimonCharleswo1 My sister used to say “you don’t always have to take the lead.” Her dog walking business didn’t last long.

@AdamCSharp My Dad always told us to "spread the love." He didn't last long as a marriage guidance counsellor.

@fotosbysal My dad used to say, “I promise there are no strings attached.” Great man, terrible bungee jump operator.

My older brother used to say “you should always try to be upfront with everyone.” Lovely guy, terrible goalkeeping coach.

My grandfather always used to say “you should answer to no one.” Lovely man, terrible switchboard operator.

My grandmother always used to say “the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.” Brilliant woman, terrible surgeon.

My uncle always used to say “the first rule of theatre is to leave them wanting more.” Fabulous guy, terrible anaesthetist.

My dad always used to say “when you’re in a hole, stop digging.” Lovely man, terrible archaeologist.

@njissawrites @TheCinesthetic I've had a couple of conversations on here about it over the years but never actually met anyone in real life who has seen it

@AdamCSharp @TheCinesthetic It's amazing but still so under-the-radar, unfortunately

What tv show is 10/10 with less than 40 episodes?

@ayotarun And earlier...

He just said the joke louder

@njissawrites @TheCinesthetic Rectify mentioned (one of my all-time favourites!)

@TheCinesthetic Rectify. 30 episodes of brilliance.

@rsnokes My puns usually make people numb. But my math puns make them number.

@AdamCSharp I liked the like button, but with an element of rage that you’d make me laugh at such a joke.

I just watched a pirated movie. On a scale of 1-10 I’d have to give it 3.14159265359

I just watched a documentary about how they put the Eiffel Tower together. It was riveting.

@tanja__eder No the publisher is called Reach Around Books and other titles by them include Peter Pitched a Tent and Brenda's Beaver Plays a Round

A list of my ten favourite types of exercise… 1. Skipping a workout 2. Surfing the net 3. Jogging my memory 4. Jumping to conclusions 5. Skating on thin ice 6. Pushing my luck 7. Running my mouth 8. Kicking up a fuss 9. Catching forty winks 10. Throwing in the towel

A cat walks into a saloon... BARTENDER: what will you have? CAT: shot of whisky BARTENDER, AFTER POURING THE SHOT: there you go CAT, AFTER PUSHING THE SHOT OFF THE TABLE: give me another