Fake Adam Silver

Ok, Kobe Bryant and LeBron James go 1-on-1... Who wins?

When a girl flashes her boobs, ppl throw beads and money at her.. but I pull out my dick and everybody gets all weird and uncomfortable.

I'm afraid to get out of my seat... There's a fart trapped between my butt and the couch... and I KNOW it's gonna smell rotten!

I be fartin' my ass off! LOLZ!

LeBron James has agreed to let Rogaine advertise on his jersey. #ADsOnNBAJerseys

Boobs are good.

RT @TrueeREALigion: ATTN LADIES there are nice guys out in the world, you just gotta open your eyes // You misspelled 'legs' #OpenYourLegs

Hello, If anybody has a problem with what I say, please email your complaints to: Seriously@iDontGiveAFuck.com Thanks, #CrazyAssLemur

You got that Little Caesars $5 Hot-n-Ready type of body.

Strippers should stop wearing glitter. I'm tired of telling my wife that i'm glittery bc me and my friends do arts and crafts every weekend.

You know you're depressed when you wake up in the morning and think, "I can't wait to go back to bed."

I can smell your shitty thoughts.

Young kids are saggin their jeans while old folks pull them up as far as they can go. Can we please find some middle ground here?

Pessimism sucks.

I don't send dick pics to women, I just tell them to Google 'penis' ....mine looks similar to those.

I'm watching a Hitler documentary right now. WOW! That guy was an asshole!

Sorry officer, I thought STOP meant Spin Tires On Pavement.

Some people's brains still use dail-up.

Ordering grilled chicken at KFC is like inviting over a prostitute just to watch a movie.

They don't make skinny jeans for fat people.