JB

@Madz_Grant I can’t sleep past 5:30 unless I’m sick. I wake up two hours before my little kids kids. On Christmas morning I have to lay in bed reading and pretend I was still asleep when they come in.

I've noticed amongst friends who have little kids that they are basically forced into waking up when they do. When I was little I remember v clearly knowing that we shouldn't go and wake parents until at least 9am on a weekend, and generally entertaining ourselves in the morning

@Nithya_Shrii I left Facebook 6 years ago because I was starting to hate my friends and family. Turns out I like everyone more when I don’t get a constant feed of their inner monologue and they’re not trying to sell me junk.

Would you go back to a world with no social media if it meant life felt as slow as it did in the 90s?!

After checking NBC, ABC, CBS, Fox, Netflix, Prime, Apple TV, Hulu, and ESPN+, I am able to watch one MLB game today: the Rangers and Phillies.

Remember when Stranger Things fans found a ton of inconsistencies and thought there were secret episodes coming out and then it turned out Netflix just gave zero fucks for attention to detail in their flagship show? That was awesome.

@MikeBales Telecharge. As a child of the 80s growing up in NY I can tell you that if you want tickets for Cats at the Wintergarden Theater you call 212-239-6200

I don't know anyone's phone number. If I got arrested, the only people I could call would be JG Wentworth, Stanley Steemer, and Empire Today…oh, and Jenny.

The only pop up ads I ever get anymore are from Malwarebytes. They cripple the computer as they load. Ironically I installed Malwarebytes to keep malicious software that may cause pop ups off my computer

Swim up blackjack.

@barstoolsports Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain!

For Those of You Scoring at Home, the Count of Missing Scientists With America's Most Sensitive Information is Now Up to SIX s.barstool.link/c/article-3566…

@chriswithans Imagine what the NBA could do if all four quarters mattered or all five players on a team had a purpose other than “get the ball to (Star of the team)”

Turns out the slower overall pace and frequency of games is a big plus for baseball. That's because people really like having live background video in their homes while they use the Internet or do whatever else. I'm very serious about this. Baseball is one of the best forms of background "noise" for modern life. 2 hours, 15 minutes, with lots of breaks. And you can always tell when there's action because of the crowd noise. It's 162 games a year over 6 months + playoffs and spring training.

@RandPaul @bp22 Or…if even a single one of them will be shut down, prosecuted or fined in my lifetime

It took one week and an AI detection system to flag 70 suspected fraudulent Medicaid providers in Los Angeles. The real question is why the federal government went decades without bothering to look. foxnews.com/politics/jd-va…

@SenWarren You could save hundreds of billions of dollars by addressing fraud for free without ever stealing another penny from Americans. And then you can still not fund all that crap you’d never fund with the tax money anyway

Today, I'm introducing my wealth tax — and more than 50 members of Congress are joining me. It’s time for the government to start working for American families, not just the ultra-rich.

So is this just our lives now? Every time Anthropic rolls a new Claude feature that no company will use, the entire tech sector just takes a shit?

@stoolpresidente @MLB Not having nationally televised games on all day Memorial Day, Labor Day and the 4th is also criminal and unAmerican. They’re trying to lose fans

I say this every year. Baseball starting the season with anything other than day baseball games in America is a disgrace to the flag and whoever approved this should be thrown in prison for life @MLB

Airlines put way too much effort into emptying and stacking used paper cups. Like a suspicious amount of effort.

@Variety Colbert both hates and loves the lord of the rings, just as he hates and loves himself. He will never be free of his need to fuck it up.

NEW 'LORD OF THE RINGS' MOVIE Stephen Colbert is co-writing "The Lord of the Rings: Shadow of the Past" (working title), which will go into production after "The Hunt for Gollum." The synopsis: "Fourteen years after the passing of Frodo - Sam, Merry, and Pippin set out to retrace the first steps of their adventure. Meanwhile, Sam’s daughter, Elanor, has discovered a long-buried secret and is determined to uncover why the War of the Ring was very nearly lost before it even began." Colbert is co-writing the script with his son, Peter McGee, and franchise veteran Philippa Boyens. variety.com/2026/film/news…

For anyone that needs to know, JFK Terminal 4 has a zero minute wait at TSA precheck. The regular security line looked busy but not abnormal

@dsantana310 And even older men who coach them but for some reason wear a uniform and cleats despite never having to take the field for anything

get ready everyone: in just 4 days, we’re going to let grown men who hit a ball with a bat affect our mood all summer

@BarryRoland19 My dude, seven minute pancakes don’t exist. I make them from a bisquick box every Saturday morning and it takes 30 minutes easy. Plus I somehow walk 1.2 miles in the kitchen doing it

Day in the life of a late 30s guy in the suburbs (Sunday edition/2 kids): 6:00am— tip-toe downstairs to make some coffee before everyone wakes up. notice an injury you acquired while you were asleep. 6:10— take your first sip of coffee. take a deep breath and— 6:11— hear your wife yelling your name to come and get the 4yo bc she just woke the other one up 6:11— pretend you don’t hear her so you can have just one more sip of coffee in peace 6:11— “I know you hear me! Hello???” 6:12— take your kid downstairs. “What would you like for breakfast sweetie?” “I want pancakes daddy. I love pancakes!” 6:13— make a fresh batch of pancakes for the family. 6:20— “here are your pancakes sweetie :)” “I don’t want pancakes” “huh? You literally said ‘I want pancakes daddy’, and that you love them?” “PANCAKES ARE YUCKY” 6:21— take a third sip of your coffee. it’s cold. your wife yells your name again from across the house.

@HustleBitch_ Black and white Brother laser printers are like $100 and I can’t even remember the last time I bought toner. I’ve been recommending them for years. Stop with the inkjets

🚨 PRINTER INK COSTS $32,000 A GALLON — AND PEOPLE ARE REALIZING THEY’VE BEEN GETTING RIPPED OFF "This should be illegal." A man at Target picks up a single black ink cartridge. Price? $63. Then he checks how much is actually inside. About half an ounce. Do the math. That puts this stuff at $30,000+ per gallon. More than a used mobile home. For printer ink. And here’s the part that has people pissed: You don’t get a choice. The printer is built to force you into their system. Cheaper ink? Blocked. Refill it yourself? Disabled. Wrong cartridge? Printer won’t even work. So you buy the printer… and then you’re stuck paying whatever they decide to charge. Over. And over. And over again. A locked system where the product is cheap and the refill is where they get you. If something costs more than gold and you’re forced to buy it… how is that not a scam?

@UziCryptoo Not backing down on the superintendent pay. You can look it up on seethroughny. I firsthand heard the salary of multiple superintendents in my area

@JessiAngel143 @UziCryptoo Welcome to Long Island where this is a gym teacher’s salary. Administrators can clear 200k. Superintendents can hit half a million.

Spoke to a teacher from New York. Makes $140,000/yr with a 10 month schedule. Retires in 2026 with ~ $90,000/yr pension + full health benefits. Traditional careers like this can be game changers. Why aren’t more people doing this?!