Agoraphobic Nomad

For my next reincarnation I shall mostly be living in a state of grace with occasional lapses into beast mode

@wokeandwoofing Ground breaking discovery. It's only a matter of time before they find the first non binary gender trapped in amber from millions of years ago

I have just discovered that I am the reincarnation of neolithic nonbinary person of colour who was misgendered to death by a transphobic cave painting.

@wokeandwoofing No, but I remember my grandma fondly; her deep commanding voice, large burly hands, long white beard and the peculiar way she peed standing up

Did anyone else's grandma ever used to say "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but being misgendered could literally vaporise me out of existence" ?

@wokeandwoofing My God, the prejudice goes back even further than we imagined. How stunningly brave of you to have survived such phenomenal past life regression, it's enough to shatter ones lady bollox what with all the literal shaking it must have caused re-living the trauma

@NeedlessToSay The Museum Of British Teeth says it wants its specimen back

#Mayday #posttoppers

It's that time again (again).....

Get on the hay cart, loser. We're going Maypole dancing

What..?

Today is the Mondayest Thursday that was mistaken for a Friday in the history of Wednesdays.

@Bob_Janke You'll be having buttered crumpets next. It's a slippery slope, Bob

I'm having tea. TEA

@Bob_Janke @OctaneBoy You've even horrified the ghost of Bowie with that confession

@OctaneBoy I used the microwave and not that kettle bullshit

Live your life so that at the end the coroner shakes her head and says "they taught us about this in med school but I never thought I'd see it"

@mistowho No, we revert to Latin

Do British people still do the accent when nobody's around

@Bob_Janke because protein is important

I'm not even asleep and I've already eaten 3 spiders today

@Adora2000 No idea what names she called me, possibly "One That Feeds Me"

@Adora2000 Official name: Charlie AKA: Charlie-Cat, Pussy-Cat-Charlie-Face, Charlie-Pig, Little-Nasty

If you don’t have at least five nicknames for your cat, do you even own a cat, bro?

The most British thing I’ve ever heard? A lady who said ‘Well I’m sorry, but I don’t apologise.’ - ;o)

@wokeandwoofing The answer may be found in your next email "We've been trying to reach you about your gender's extended warranty.."

My new gender wasnt working properly so I tried to restart it with the jump leads from my car, but I got the polarity back to front and short circuited my lady bollocks. Will this be covered by the car insurance?

british people be like you absolute dental procedure